I don't feel that it's okay or right for a married or attached man to view other women, even pictures and videos on the web. To me, it's disrespectful and a blow to my self-confidence. My live-in boyfriend of two years knew this.

Recently, we got new phones with web access. While using his phone, I discovered his viewed web sites - amateur lesbian sites viewed, teens in panties, etc.

He tried to explain. Sorry, there is no explanation. I truly thought he was better than that.

He says he didn't cheat, but, to me, he did. I'd respected him before this. We'd had a very active, adventurous, healthy, sex life, but I no longer want him to touch me. Why do men do this?

It's everywhere - at a car show, wine show, boat show - half-naked women prancing around, working there as eye candy! Why are we to accept our men constantly looking at other women? I cannot compete. Am I wrong? Do I have a problem?

I said to him, "I have a daughter, 11... why the hell would you look at teens in panties?"

I'm 41; he's 38.

Devastated

You should know your boyfriend's true character by now. You've seen how he behaves with your daughter, and trusted him enough to live together. This new phone and its access may've prompted his curiosity, temporarily. I would argue that, as a one-off event, curiosity is natural. But for your comfort level, it's how he responds to your outrage that matters.

However, IF you cannot forgive this incident, if you now distrust him and think he secretly ogled women in the past, and you continue to reject him sexually, drop him.

If you still hold these feelings so strongly, it's the only way you'll feel at peace and protective of your daughter.

I'm in my mid 30s. My marriage of 11 years ended in pain, loss of confidence, and shattered family (I have an adolescent son). I was devoid of love, comfort, and security during the last five years together.

Several months after separating, I became close to a co-worker/friend. He made me believe in "love" and confessed his love for me. I fell in love, too. I was even introduced to his family. Yet, after 18 months he said, "Nothing can work out between us," without offering any reason.

Now I have trust issues with men, even friends. I've lost my self-esteem and confidence, worse than before.

I read emotional healing/spiritual books, talked with friends.... but all the effects are temporary. I fear these are the signs of depression. I'm afraid of confiding in anyone/friend for help.

Going Crazy

To reel from rejection, especially after a divorce, is NOT "crazy"... it's a logical response your mind and body are making so that you'll go quiet, rest, and reflect, in order to heal.

The next step is anger, a healthy stimulus to re-gathering strength to get out there and reclaim your right to socialize, have fun, and seek happiness again.

Your co-worker was an insensitive jerk who took advantage of your vulnerable state.... because he could. The good news is that you found you COULD love again. Even better news is that the human heart is capable of loving again. It just takes a return of confidence and optimism.

Get out again with friends and stop analyzing the past and other people's motives. Your goal is to be able to enjoy others' company, be selective about those whom you like, and develop trust.

I believe my wife of 28 years is secretly involved with a colleague. She's on a three-month project in another city where he lives. I'm working in our hometown.

She doesn't encourage my visiting, is always "busy" when I call, and mentions this guy's name too often. He's divorced, with a "man-about-town" reputation. Her job is high-powered and I knew she was feeling restless when at home, whereas her work world is far more exciting. She jumped at accepting this project away. But I didn't anticipate an affair. What should I do? I love her.

Concerned

Get on a plane to her. Be "exciting" about how much you love her and want her to be happy with you. Tell her your willingness to ramp up your lifestyle together - more travel, a new fitness regime, whatever appeals to you both. Show her that loyalty and love can also include passion and adventure.