My boyfriend and I love each other and discuss getting married this year, even if we stay in our separate homes. We're 40s, both have children, and times when our kids are with their other parents.

He flies into a rage easily - yelling and saying nasty things. It blows over quickly. He took an anger management course where he learned to sometimes walk away when anger arises.

Often there isn't an argument -he's just getting mad, even about something that has nothing to do with me. Yet he'll yell at me.

When he blows up and walks it can be embarrassing - like at families' homes or restaurants -- he'll just leave suddenly.

He refuses to see a one-on-one counselor. However, his rage (weekly bouts) is stressing me out. Obviously I don't want my kids around this, hence staying in separate residences.

Won't Dump Him

Why marry? You're already dealing with stress from his outbursts on a weekly basis, and in between you say you're in love. Marriage - with its added layers of commitment and family involvements, etc. - may make the incidences of his anger even more frequent.

It's impossible to shield your children from his moods, when they're around. And his becoming their stepfather could add more stress to him, you, and them. It's too big a risk with a guy who's already walking out on you (and eventually the kids, too) in public places, and yelling at you (later, them too) without even cause. By adapting to this, you enable him.

Since you "won't dump him," get counselling yourself to find out why you're wanting to be even more bound to a guy who needs major behaviour change, for everyone's sake.

How do my husband and I get our married son to acknowledge us as his parents to his wife, who's been socially isolating us since they married several years ago?

Our son has a difficult work schedule (with the police force) with hours that are non-negotiable. We barely have a relationship with him anymore and no opportunities to get to know our daughter-in-law.

Invitations to our home have gone unanswered or ignored. We've never received even one invitation to their home. They even skipped out on seeing us this past Christmas. It seems they're shunning us deliberately, when we only have love to share with them.

Now our son has given us the exciting news that they're expecting a child this year, our first grandchild.

At a Loss

Talk to your son and stop blaming his wife. She can't be deliberately isolating you without his knowledge, so either he's upset about something in your relationship, has issues about the past, or something regarding his wife has become a current issue.

His work hours are a factor but they're being used as an excuse. Yet by announcing the pregnancy, he's opened the door somewhat.

Instead of dealing with invitations and expectations, first call him to just chat, ask about his life, and show interest in what they're doing as a couple. Try doing this with your daughter-in-law too - without any pressure about getting together, just interest in how she is.

After a few calls, ask your son for a visit, your place or theirs, casually, for all of you. If yes, go without an agenda and start re-connecting anew. If No, ask if he's willing to resolve the distancing between you, as you'd like to be good and caring grandparents.

I'm engaged to my live-in boyfriend of three years. He's a good step-dad to my son, age eight. We have a great intimate life too. Yet I've discovered all my friends dislike him. He's abrasive, blunt, with a harsh, demanding speaking manner. I'm just used to it.

He doesn't care what others think. I love him, but want someone other people like. I'm suddenly aware of all the "jerky" things he's said or done. How do I discuss this with him?

Frustrated

Talk to yourself first. Have you been distracted by satisfying sex and the comfort of having a partner, to not notice he's so tough with others? As a step-dad, is he also "harsh, demanding, abrasive," and does your son feel at ease or behaves carefully?

If you stay together, you'll have to accept that his speaking manner and rough demeanor are unlikely to change, especially not for others' approval.