I've been married for 10 year; my wife has male friends - some married, some single. At first I was concerned but then realized I was just being silly. I trust her.
One of these so-called friends, married with children, has been flirting with her by email.
Although she firmly put him in his place, he keeps flirting. She never responds to it but never blows him off either. At her request, I've let her handle him.
Recently however, she asked if she could go out somewhere with him. I said no.
I'm uncomfortable with his constant flirtation. It seems like a game to him and my wife is the conquest. I want to confront him but it would likely anger my wife and make her feel distrusted.
How should I handle the overtly friendly friend?
Credit to both you and your wife for handling this as a team so far. Keep it up.
Explain to her that, once out together, he has opportunity to try to take the flirting further. This will not only worry you while she's out, but will be uncomfortable for her to handle in person.
It's time for her to be more direct, as in, "Your flirting makes both me and my husband uncomfortable. So please stop it." A caring pal gets the message.
Once she tells him that you're onto him and annoyed, he'll stop… or he's not a true friend at all.
Five years ago, I had a serious falling out with the wife of my husband's longtime friend and co-worker, after which she spread vicious, horrible lies about me. I cut all contacts with her.
She continued to spread these lies until last year when I finally told my husband to address this with her husband.
He did, and it ended - with no apology, no comment to the people she lied to about me.
Now my husband's learned that the other man will likely become his boss in a small department which has frequent social gatherings.
I will NOT be happy if forced to be sociable with her. I want my husband to tell his friend/future boss (they're close enough) that his wife owes me an apology, if not an acknowledgement that what she did was wrong.
The alternative is him leaving that unit, but he refuses, and he also refuses to have me talk to either the husband or the wife. What should I do?
Be classy. You'll rise to the top of everyone's esteem - especially your husband.
This woman is undoubtedly an unhappy person who causes trouble (or her husband wouldn't have co-operated so easily). Forcing an apology will only make things worse… she'll resent you and look for other disagreements.
Put it behind you. You need only be cordial at a distance, not falsely warm.
You can bet her nasty nature will eventually reveal itself to others.
The smartest place for you to be is on the high road - neither as friend nor foe.
A friend recently called with disturbing news: The father of my child recently called her at 3 am; he asked if he could come over.
She told him in no way has she ever been attracted to him, and told him to go home.
He came home at 6 am smelling of liquor and saying he'd been "at the club." He only came clean when I confronted him.
He doesn't want me to leave. He promises that nothing like this will ever happen again. He says he was drunk and doesn't have feelings for my friend.
I don't know if I should believe him because a drunk mind speaks sober thoughts.
A drunk mind easily messes up. So, if your guy regularly goes "to the club," he might be getting into all kinds of trouble under that excuse.
Since he's the father of your child, you need to recognize if he has a drinking problem, or this was a one-off of foolish excess.
If his going out drinking is frequent, causes him to stay out all hours, if he doesn't let you know where he is, or if he uses the drinking excuse for other negative behaviour, he has a drinking problem and you have the problem, too.
Be clear with him that you need him to be responsible, if he wants to keep the relationship.
Tip of the day:
When a flirt is met with the annoyance of both partners in a couple, the challenge fizzles.