Some of my high-school girlfriends got together recently. We’re now in our late 30’s.

I wondered if I’d offended one of them who seemed to be constantly smirking at me.

She’s extremely successful and I thought she might’ve developed an air of superiority.

When I later asked one of the other women about it, she laughed.

She said our friend’s “almost frozen” facial expression was from too much “work” done on it.

I know some women our age get treatments for facial fillers, Botox, etc.

But how much is too much?

Also, if all your friends now look ten years younger than you, is it time to “do something” too??

Still Natural

Your friend may believe that to be highly successful in her particular field, she must maintain a youthful appearance.

Women and men alike who feel this way use a range of choices: e.g. Botox injections to erase frown lines through temporary muscle paralysis, injectable fillers that plump age lines, microdermabrasion that “sands” skin to smoothness.

Plus the more invasive and expensive face-lift surgery that lasts longer, but can also dramatically change a person’s outward image.

What’s too much?

You’ve seen the extremes on some celebrities - cheeks over-plumped, eyes widened alert by stretched temples, expressionless foreheads, etc.

Do you need to follow your age-mates?

It’s a strictly personal choice. Maintenance gets pricey while youthfulness also shines through from healthy fitness/nutrition and a positive personality.

Anyone considering cosmetic treatments should talk first to an accredited cosmetic surgeon or dermatologist, and learn exactly what will be done and the expected outcome.

Do NOT go to non-accredited practitioners who’ve simply rented some basic equipment and taken a short-term course.

Whatever’s done to your face, you’ll be wearing it.

My husband’s suffered from erectile dysfunction (ED) since we met in his early 20's.

We’re 30 now, finally seeking whether there’s an underlying cause.

It's frustrating when doctors immediately tell him it’s psychological due to his younger age.

One doctor immediately suggested we see a sex therapist. We cannot afford this, and also feel it’s a physical problem, so he’s having tests.

If it's not physical, then we’d explore therapy.

It’s taking an awful toll on my husband's confidence. But I’m also suffering through this (low confidence that I'm attractive, constantly feeling rejected, wondering if he’s secretly gay).

I need a real-people support group for partners of those suffering with ED. I sometimes have harsh feelings towards him as if this is his fault, though it’s not.

I don’t want an online group.

Frustrated Spouse

Now that you’re finally looking into this and taking tests, don’t turn on your doctor for advice that bothers you…. instead, weigh it among the things you do know about ED and try to learn more.

The suggestion of sex therapy wasn’t an insult or blame.

It may be helpful for your own frustration, and feelings of hurt, and your husband’s frustration and anxiety about this. Therapy has a place even if there IS a physical cause involved.

The cost for a few sessions can be well worth the gained confidence about resolving the issue.

A sex therapist would most likely know if there’s any ED-support group in your area.

To search for yourself, do go online and see if any group meets in person. This may be more likely for the “spouse of,” like yourself to join, than for the actual ED sufferer who might prefer online anonymity.

FEEDBACK Regarding the couple who’ve discovered their daughter’s husband is lying about having a job and has done this before, causing huge family debt (May 8):

Reader – “I say, NO, don’t talk to your daughter, it’s guaranteed to do damage to the marriage.
“Go to your son-in-law.  You know where he spends his days, so that shouldn’t be hard.
“Confront him kindly.
“He knows the disaster that he’s creating. Encourage him and help him get employment advice, or help him find a job.
“The man must be suffering from paralyzing self-doubts. That’s where the support might do
some good and serve both your daughter and the family.”

Ellie – An understandable alternative, for the first occasion. This second deceit and suspicious behaviour prompted my answer. He’d claimed evening work and overnight conferences when he was actually unemployed.

The couple have young children, there’s a worse financial and emotional crisis ahead for both parents. Intervening’s risky but warranted.