Why are men so hard to understand, and so selfish?

My boyfriend of three years makes me feel like we're just friends. I'm 46, divorced 15 years, with grown children; he’s 43, never married due to his job.

He’s never spent one single occasion with my family yet finds time to spend them with ex-girlfriends’ families.

He doesn't invite me to be with his family either.

In the past year, my sister was diagnosed with breast cancer, as was my mom, and my father died suddenly. But my boyfriend made no apology for not showing up.

He also had an excuse (twisted ankle) to miss my close cousin’s wedding, which I’d told him about months before. I missed the reception, held a long, highway drive away, as I didn’t want to drive by myself at night. My cousin was upset; I was embarrassed.

When I saw him next, he thinks having sex solves all the problems.

Everyone says I should break it off, but man, the sex is incredible.

My ex-husband was extremely abusive; I put up with it for 11 years, so all I want is someone who really cares about me.

- Agitated

With an abusive man in your past, and a selfish man currently being permitted to get away with it… I could easily return the question: Why do you accept this bad treatment from men?

You generalize about males because it seems you’ve only experienced jerks. Yet there are terrific, loving, sensitive, supportive men who’d never behave in a relationship the way you describe your boyfriend.

If having good sex makes you think it’s worth the disappointments, insensitivity, and, yes, selfishness, think again. You’re not happy, and your family and friends are urging you to get rid of him.

Me, too. I strongly recommend that you straighten your spine, and insist on a mutually supportive relationship with your next guy.

I’m depressed over the break up with my girlfriend of 11 years. We were having major problems, with my heavy drinking and her abusive temper. We’re apart six weeks now and I realized I made a huge mistake.

But she says she needs time to heal and I haven’t heard from her in two weeks. I’m hoping she'll take me back.

I've drank socially only twice since, and I’m starting to see a therapist.

How can a person stop loving someone and move on?

- Missing Her

You’re on the right track by dealing with your part in the problems that contributed to the break-up. By cutting back on alcohol use, and seeing a therapist, you’re making positive moves for yourself and any relationship.

Your girlfriend may accept this as a signal that you can work together, or she may still need time to think things through. Her best move would be to take your example and seek help for anger management.

It’s clear that, under stress, you two brought out each others’ worst traits. There’s no point in re-connecting until you each have learned strategies to control these negative habits.

My neighbour leaves weeds and leaves on her lawn, it looks a mess next to mine. How can I get her to clean it up?

- Disgusted

Talk to her, without confrontation. You’ll likely find she’s busy with other things in her life. Offer to help her clean up, or help find someone who’ll clear it affordably. A good neighbour relationship is more valuable than a tidy lawn.

I’m about to marry a great guy, but I'm struggling with the fact that he’s been married before. He has no kids, but his ex's sister is married to his cousin so I see her and his ex at family functions.

I tried to confront her but she won't talk to me.

Worse, I’ll always be the Number Two wife, never anyone's First Wife.

I work with children and have always considered myself a role model, but I'm ashamed that my fiancé’s been divorced.

- Upset

Marrying a truly “great guy” is excellent role modelling, as is rising above your old prejudice.

If, instead, you were to marry the wrong but non-divorced guy, you could become someone’s Ex-Wife.

Being ashamed of your fiancé is a bad start, as is having hang-ups about his ex. You’ve got him; she’s feeling awkward, so keep your cool and your distance for both your sakes.