My wife has just told me that she wants to move out of our gorgeous home in our sleepy little town in the country. She said that now that our kids have all grown and flown, she’d like a small condo in the city with easy access to shops, movies, theatre and the airport. She’d like to travel three to four months of the year, if not more.

I’m getting set to retire and I just want to potter around in our home that we have made perfect over the years, spend time with our future grandchildren and live a quiet life. She is not having it. She says she’s been bored for years but knew that the small country life was my preference. She says she was able to handle it because she was always busy with the kids or her own work. But now that she’s retired, she’s going stir-crazy and has cabin fever.

I can think of nothing worse than condo living. I like movies and I enjoy theatre, but once monthly of each is sufficient for me. Neither of us golf, so heading down to Florida isn’t part of our enjoyment. I also love travel, but I’d prefer to be home with my creature comforts.

How are we going to compromise through this massive difference?

Country Mouse

Much depends on your finances, and your health, both physical and mental. Would it be possible to downsize your country home, but still maintain a property in your town, while also financing a small condo in the city? Perhaps you could compromise and break down your weeks. For example, one week together in the city; one week together in the country; one week travelling; and one week apart, where you each get to be where you want.

That sounds easier and tidier than reality, but if you lean towards that, then both of you can be doing what you want to do, where you want to do it. That wouldn’t work for many, but it may work for you two. I’m sure there are other ways to compromise, but I strongly suggest you sit down with a financial advisor and crunch the numbers.

My boyfriend is a get-up-and-go type of guy. He doesn’t like to sleep in, lie about, read a book or just lounge. He always needs to be moving, doing. I didn’t notice the extent to which this was his personality when we first started dating because our dates were out and about, doing things, being active.

As we got closer and had sleepovers, our mornings were all about being in bed together, so there was never a rush to get up and out. And the same goes for the few times we travelled together. We spent a lot of time doing adventurous things, and when we weren’t out, we were in bed.

But now that we’ve become more comfortable with each other, and we’re always together at one or the other’s home, I’m really noticing that he can’t sit still. I’ve mentioned it to him once or twice, but he always has an excuse. He’s training for a marathon, or he has a lot of errands to run, or something.

I’m not sure if I can continue in this relationship. What do I do?

On the Move

Talk to your boyfriend. Let him know how you feel. Ask him how he feels. Is he running away from something? Has the relationship run its course? Or are you both willing to learn how to live together and compromise? These are big questions that need to be addressed before you go any further – or break up.

FEEDBACK Regarding the doghouse (Aug. 5):

Reader – “Unfortunately, you can’t just take a dog to a trainer and expect that it will be transformed into a model of good behaviour — anymore than you can drop your child off at a therapist’s office to be ‘fixed.’  It’s not like bringing your car in for repair.

“Rather, it’s like going for physiotherapy; the physio can give you treatment but unless you follow instructions at home (or have the means to have the therapist at your disposal full time), you’re not going to see much progress.

“The dog owner needs the training as much as the dog. But it’s not just a matter of having the knowledge about that training — that’s the easy part.  She also needs the motivation and self-discipline to apply it consistently.”

Lisi – Many dogs can be trained by their owners, if the owner is consistent in their training.