I’m really into music and love to have it on literally all the time. I’ve just started dating this girl; she’s super smart and sexy. There are a lot of things I like about her, but one thing that makes me crazy is that whenever she wants to read, she asks me to turn off the music. She says it distracts her from whatever she’s reading.

But she reads all the time! Then my apartment, or her apartment is dead silent, and it makes me jittery. I usually leave, go for a walk and get coffee, or ice cream, or whatever. Just to get out of the silent house.

I don’t know how to make this relationship work because of this weird music embargo, but I really like her.

Help.

Deafening Silence

I like listening to music as well, but sometimes, I also find it distracting and hard to focus on whatever else I’m doing. Different brains are wired differently.

So, you two need to learn how to compromise if you want to give this relationship a chance. For example, if she has lots of reading to do, maybe she should stay home, and you’ll see each other when she’s done. If you must be together while she reads, one of you needs to be behind closed doors so the other can also do what they need to do, i.e. reading in silence or listening to music.

Or, and you already thought of this, run an errand or go for a run, or grocery shop - anything out of the house while she’s reading. The understanding then being that when you’re back and together, the music is on.

As well, try finding the RIGHT music for her. Studies have shown that listening to classical music while studying can improve one’s focus, diminish stress and help with memory work. No lyrics could mean no distraction. It may not be your genre of choice, but at least it’s music.

Talk it through with her and work together to find the right balance.

A woman recently wrote in about another woman living with multiple dogs in her home. I have a question about dogs, but it’s different because I live in an apartment building.

For many years, dogs were not allowed in my building even though legally, building owners cannot refuse to rent to pet owners. But now they’re allowed, and we have some HUGE and aggressive breeds in the building. There are several German Shepherds that I know of. At first, I would see the owners walking the dogs outdoors on a regular basis, but now I don’t think they walk them more than once a day.

I feel for the animals’ welfare…. cooped up all day long in a one- or two-bedroom small apartment…. How can these people call themselves animal lovers when they deny an animal a decent natural existence like being outdoors in nature with room for necessary exercise?

Apartment dweller

I’m not sure what your question is, however, I will try to help. For non-dog loving people, almost any dog can be scary – especially if they get in a small elevator with you. But most pets are not aggressive without provocation, and if they are, one would hope that their owner keeps them muzzled or, in this example, waits for an empty elevator.

As for their routine, you have no idea what the dogs’ needs are, so you can’t really comment on how often the dog goes out. Also, perhaps you’re seeing a dog walker with the same dog, since you said there are several in the building. That would be a strong coincidence.

Yes, dogs need to be walked and to spend time outdoors, but how much and how often is dependent on the dog.

FEEDBACK Regarding the couple struggling (Jan. 30):

Reader – “You are correct that some people have family help, inherit money or are good with finances, but there are many who are struggling, including some who are in over their heads and putting up a facade. Household debt in Canada and the U.S. is at a record high.

“Some people don't have big down payments, but they have the income to support a large mortgage, meaning that they don't have much equity in their home in the early years. Others just build up debt to have fancy cars, clothes, etc.

“In terms of a financial advisor, it's important to be very careful in choosing one as some are just there to sell products. It sounds as if this couple is on the right track but perhaps could use some advice and encouragement from trusted family or friends.”