While on a recent trip to California with my eldest son, I met a lovely man. My son and I were looking at universities for him to apply to, and we were doing the So-Cal circuit. My ex-husband has family out there, so we stayed with them. We’re all very friendly. One night, my son went out with his cousins, and I went out for dinner with the adults. We were eight of us: two cousin couples, myself, a single man I didn’t know, the sister of one of the cousin’s partners and her best friend, a gay man.
The evening wasn’t meant to be a set-up, but the single man and I hit it off. At the end of the dinner, he invited me to go for a hike, with my son and one of the cousins, the following day. We did and had a wonderful time. He and I laughed a lot, and I felt very comfortable with him. Even my son commented on what a nice guy he was, and how he seemed to really like me.
My son and I left to return home to school and work, but this gentleman and I have been texting ever since. He’s a funny guy and I really like him, but obviously I don’t know him well. He’s invited me to come back and stay with him. But I’m wary. What do you think?
Dating Game
Lucky for you, you have a support system, people who love you, and a place to stay out there. This is an easy “YES” but with a caveat. I recommend you agree to go back out for a visit, with the main intention of getting to know him, but you stay with your family while doing so.
Yes, this man is not a stranger, and not someone you likely have to fear. He is a friend of your family’s. But it’s too soon and too much to stay with him on what’s essentially your second date. Staying with your family is a safer and more mature option.
I have a friend whom I adore. She’s smart, funny, warm and keeps me on my toes. We’ve been friends since high school. But she and my current boyfriend detest each other! I’ve asked both, separately, what it is about the other that’s so abhorrent, but neither can give me specifics. “She just rubs me the wrong way,” says he. “I just don’t think he’s right for you,” says she.
Obviously, I don’t want to give up either relationship but how can I get them to stand down? The jabs and negativity are getting to me. Plus, it’s always uncomfortable at events where they’re both in attendance, like a party for a mutual friend, or my birthday.
I can’t take this!
Pulled Apart
You shouldn’t have to take this. It’s immature on both their parts. You need to talk to both separately, and, if necessary, together. Your boyfriend needs to understand that she was in your life first and isn’t going anywhere. And she needs to accept that he’s the guy you want to be with, at least for now.
However…. I don’t like what I’m hearing. I don’t know why but I’m getting a bad vibe. Do these two know each other from before? Do you sense any sexual tension between them? I’m not trying to put ideas in your head but, it all sounds off to me. I think you need to do some digging.
FEEDBACK Regarding the friend’s husband cheating (Feb. 18):
Reader – “Should not the better advice have been for either she or her husband to tell the cheater that he must 'come clean' with his wife or they would tell her? They should give him a deadline to do so in days, not months. The letter-writer can still be there to support the betrayed wife, but it gives that family the best chance to either heal or take their own paths as they decide.”
Lisi – You’re absolutely right that the cheater should come clean. I have strongly suggested that to other people who have written in with similar situations. In this case, I didn’t get the impression that the cheater was going to comply with that request. But I should have offered that as the first course of action. Thank you for reminding me and my readers. Everyone deserves a chance at redemption.