I've been involved with a married man for 14 years; we have a 12-year-old son together. His wife found out about our son last year. He lied, saying he'd never seen our son. He has no intention of leaving her, though he has no children with her.

He's playing both of us. Someday I want to tell her the truth. I know I have to end things, but I worry that my son will never see his father and at 12, he needs his father. Yet, he's never here when we need him, and I have the guilt of putting the boy through this. I feel like a bad mother.

How can I be strong in ending it, when he's my best friend? I have a great job and home, and a wonderful kid, but I can't seem to stay away from this guy. I know he's selfish, but I love him. I'm 51 and can't even think about looking for someone else, there's nothing out there for me. How do I move on?

Stuck

Spare me the "Poor Me" lament... you've accepted a half-loaf for 14 years, plus his selfishness, your joint deception of his wife, and a crummy deal for your son.

If you truly want to end it, see a lawyer. The boy has some rights to support, and you need to learn yours as well, for whatever legal jurisdiction where you and his father reside.

Then, see a therapist. You've put yourself in a dead-end arrangement, declaring there's no chance of finding a real partner (and decent male role model for your son) when you've clearly never tried. Perhaps you lack self-worth despite achievements, or you have an emotional block against an equal relationship.

But if you want your son to learn how to make better life choices than his parents, start moving.

I'm a student, 23. My father and I have had a strained relationship since he married the woman with whom he had an affair, after divorcing my mother. I've tried to be civil and friendly, but this woman is determined to squeeze my two sisters and me out of my father's life.

We're financially dependant on him. I'm working to become independent, but it's a slow process. I'm worried about my father's will. He hasn't written one and I'm 100% sure we'd see nothing if his estate's left to his hostile wife.

I don't know how to approach him without sounding money-grubbing. I don't expect any inheritance, but I want that to be my father's choice, not my stepmother's. Given our rift, his refusal to address his wife's hatred of his children, and his family trait of being non-talkers, how can I bring this up? I'm trying to protect my sisters' futures.

- Nervous Daughter

Learn about wills before you raise them. Even if he leaves his estate to his wife (which is often the case for spouses), he can stipulate that it passes from her to his children. Or he can set aside a specific sum or property sale that passes to his children.... it's not automatically left up to her.

Also, consider this: They're married. If you keep treating her and calling her as the woman with whom he had an affair, you add to the divide between you. HE had the affair too; she didn't force him to leave your mom. It's time you made peace with that reality, especially if you want him to make peace with being financially responsible for you.

Our daughter's in a four-year, nice relationship - both mid-20s, successful. However, her partner - of a different religion and culture - has never invited her to his home (not even telling his parents they were dating, for two years). He finally introduced her to his mom who took her to lunch and he once introduced her to his dad and siblings at a public event.

Our interpretation is that his family doesn't accept her. We're worried he'll never take the relationship further. We don't want her to waste her youth. When we tried talking to her, she got very angry and defensive.

No Future?

Instead of seeing only the negative possibilities, work toward the positive. Tell him you want to invite his parents out to lunch. His reaction will tell her more than you can say. Don't "interpret" any further. Let them discuss the issue and work it out for themselves.