Several months ago I broke up with my boyfriend of four years, the love of my life. He hadn't dealt with several issues creating addiction (marijuana). Then he went to counselling and we went to couples' therapy. His actions spoke louder then his words and he was manipulative. My trust was broken, and I no longer felt secure.

I'd begun to sacrifice my happiness (and health) trying to help him. I'm in counselling but can't get over this. I still feel upset and very anxious. Is there something more then time, keeping busy, and trying new things (which I've been doing) to make me feel better? How do I find closure and release my feelings of anger and betrayal?
Stuck

Get angry at yourself for thinking this guy was the best there was, and for allowing him to still dominate your life.

Time, therapy, and keeping busy are all very important, but so is facing reality: He's NOT the right guy for you because his issues and deceit are who he is (not someone you can change). You're lucky to be out of it before you ended up more stuck, with him, instead of without him. Now move on.

I love my partner, but she's reckless with money and does whatever she pleases with it. All she really likes to do is shop.

She buys everything she sees for herself (on my credit card), but never buys anything for me. She'll buy things for the house that we don't need - more and more dishes, towels, sheets, you name it. How do I get her to stop shopping? We're in our 50s, together for eight years.

Where's your 50-year-old spine? Unless you live under a money tree, either assign her a cash total, which you place in her bank account or cut her off the credit card at a bottom line you've discussed ahead.

Meanwhile, she seems to be trying to fill a black hole with purchases. Start talking to her, without blame, about your emotional connection and what other needs you both may have.

My friend, 20, has a problem with depression and drugs. She abuses her medication, drinks until she blacks out, has had several suicide attempts, smokes drugs to fall asleep or stays awake for 30+ hours, blacks out and cannot remember what she does.

Other friends and I suggest treatment places but she won't leave the house, and her family and friends, and travel there alone due to anxiety.

Her father cannot always drive her. Her mom left when she was a teenager, they had a bad relationship for awhile, but she's considered moving in with her.

She goes to therapy irregularly. She won't listen to our concerns, laughs it off and thinks there's no way for her to get better.

What more we can do to help her?

Worried Friends

A group of you should approach each of her parents and state how serious you believe her addictions and anxiety are. Hold nothing back, if you truly want her to get help.

One or both of them should at least be taking her for a medical check, since she may listen better to a doctor who talks straight to her about the harm she's doing herself.

If therapy or a treatment centre is started, organize the friends into a car pool who can help her get there. That's a positive show of support that may be the kind of nurturing attention she most needs.

I returned from deployment six months ago and discovered that my wife was having an affair. I've been patient, we attended marriage counseling, nothing worked.

She lies about everything, deceives me, steals from me, and stays out late with her girlfriends. We fight constantly. We have a child, age two. We have a nice home and I pay for her college education. Divorce seems the best option.

Don't Understand

The military provides for individual counseling that can help you plan the next move, especially if you divorce. You want to make sure your child is in the best situation possible - whether joint custody, or with you - given your wife's irresponsible behaviour of late. Get legal advice too, and keep some record of her negative actions, in case she denies them.... just for evidence regarding her stability in case she seeks sole custody.

She may change if she knows you're serious about splitting... but maybe not.