I’ve recently started dating a woman and I really like her. We’re both divorced with older children, and exes. We both have our baggage and stories, but we work well together.
It’s been almost a year and we’re both looking forward to a fun-filled summer. We also both have dogs, love the outdoors, and are going to try renting a cottage for a week together.
Her son lives in her basement apartment and is a lovely guy. He’s rarely around, works hard, has lots of friends, and is dating a few women. He is respectful of her space, but is also there for her. Unfortunately, he just lost his job. It’s been about a month and she’s worried he’s depressed. He hasn’t left the house, isn’t going out, and doesn’t come upstairs.
She’s worried about him, and I’m worried about her. His father isn’t much help in this department. He’s a nice kid and I genuinely want to see him happy. And selfishly, I don’t want him to ruin our summer plans. How can I help?
I appreciate your honesty, but keep that last little bit to yourself. If your girlfriend feels about you the same way you feel about her, she’ll know what’s on your mind.
But he’s her son. And his mental and physical health override any summer plans you two were hoping for.
The best thing you can do is to tell her that you get it. That you understand he is her priority and focus right now and you won’t take it personally if she’s distracted, busy, distant. Also, reassure her that though your relationship is new and can take a back seat to this, you’d like to help any way she will accept.
Relationships between divorced parents aren’t just between two people. As you said, you both have baggage. Show her that you’re there to help carry hers.
I met a woman online who’s selling clothes. There are loads of sites where you can buy new and used clothing privately. People post their wardrobes on Instagram, Facebook, Poshmark, etc.
Often the clothing is new with the tags still on. It’s been bought in several sizes to find the right fit, or the person had buyer’s remorse once they got home. Often, it’s children’s clothing worn once and no longer fit once the child grew.
I have a few friends who sell their clothes every six months or so. These women are very fashion-conscious, but they can’t afford to just keep buying. So, they sell last season’s fashions to make money and room for next season’s top looks.
But there’s something about this woman and her merchandise that just doesn’t seem “right.” I think the clothes are stolen.
What do I do? I don’t know her personally, and I can’t prove anything.
I called my local police and found out this information: If anyone ever suspects anyone else of committing a crime, they can call Crime Stoppers. From my Google search, this organization exists across North America. You’ll find a local phone number and then you give them all the information you have.
In this case, you can provide the name of the site where this woman is selling her clothes, her name and any other helpful information. I believe the caller can remain anonymous.
The officer I spoke with said this particular situation is not uncommon, and that it’s easy for people to shoplift from big box stores, and then resell online.
My other advice would be to disassociate yourself from this person’s site immediately. And trust your instincts.
FEEDBACK Regarding old friends with bad habits (March 8):
Reader – “Why didn't she insist that the item was replaced immediately, or she would report the theft? Instead, she ‘gently’ told the person, while in her car, that she had seen her theft!”
Lisi – Not everyone knows what to do in the heat of the moment.
FEEDBACK Regarding the sibling trying to help his brother through the loss of a good friend (March 3):
Reader – “How about suggesting some compassion for the brother who is in grief, and possibly triggered about his own mortality? Perhaps the sibling could suggest finding some support in a grief group (where he can see he’s not alone) and/or getting support through the help of a good counsellor.”
Lisi – Finding a grief group and getting the help of a grief counsellor are very good suggestions for someone suffering loss. My original response focused more on the brother’s unwarranted feelings of guilt.