I love my husband but we seem to disagree on so many areas of child-rearing that I’m exhausted from the fights.
We come from different backgrounds – his was more lax and rules were always dropped for every little reason; mine was more structured and I believe it was our firm schedule that kept us feeling secure. We knew what we had to do and what to expect.
Our children are still toddlers, but I believe in strict bedtimes, and mealtimes and sending them away from the table with no dessert when they refuse the food offered. He can drag on bedtime for endless story-time, let’s the kids play at the table instead of eat, etc.
I fear we’re going to end up divorced over these differences, or that the kids will end up unruly, and out of control as they get older.
- Disturbed Mom
You both have a right to bring some of your own style to child-rearing. Instead of fighting as to who’s right or wrong, you need to find a happy medium that works for most occasions, and allow for some differences on special occasions. For example, when there are visitors in the home, or on a long day’s outing, or when a child isn’t feeling well, the normal “rules” can be bent, and Dad’s easy-going style is perfectly appropriate. Otherwise, Mom needs a schedule she can handle so her day is not all chaos. And the kids need to be helped to eat balanced, nutritional meals and have a bedtime that insures they get enough sleep.
With toddlers, you can both afford to lighten up. Mom: they won’t turn wild just because their normal routines aren’t followed every time. Dad: constant indulgence isn’t right, either, as they need to gradually make these routines their own.
Most important in all this is your relationship as loving partners. Respect each other’s backgrounds as having formed the person you love, and work out a balance.
If the fights persist, see a family counsellor to guide you through a process of greater tolerance and compromise.
I work in a small company where we’re asked to take on more work every few months. But I like the job and my colleagues there; we have a real friendship group.
Recently, my boss gave me a small raise but it wasn’t the amount, which I expected, though I’d previously received increments at a higher rate. She said the new policy from head office was to cut off raises at a lower level that was common for everyone. I believe this is unfair, as I’ve received the bigger boost over several years, my work has always been satisfactory, and I’ve accepted every extra task.
How can an employee handle such sudden changes in policy?
- Treated Unfairly
Be careful how you define “unfair.” Since this new policy applies to all your colleagues, you don’t want to come across to a boss as if you think you’re the only one working hard.
Usually, when there are tougher rules coming down from the top brass, everyone, including your boss, is feeling the pinch. She’s likely under strain of more work, and less monetary appreciation for it, just like you. Since you enjoy your job and the workplace camaraderie, accept the lower raise as graciously as possible; it’s better than no raise, or layoffs.
Along with your colleagues, be watchful for further policy changes, and if they seem unreasonable, consider a group delegation asking to speak to higher executives, for explanation.
Meanwhile, study the bigger picture for your company and others, through business news reports, and be aware of projections of a tighter economy affecting all. A job you enjoy may be the best job around.
My girlfriend is from the “cup half empty” school, and negative about everything. I feel like I always have to get her “up” about whatever’s going on… the weather, our plans for a night out, even how our relationship is going. It’s getting ME down and interfering with planning for long-term.
How can I help her be more positive? She knows she has this problem but says it’s just who she is.
Don’t be the rescuer to her moods, it’s a job that will never end.
Tell her that she’s wearing you down with her negative views, and she needs to address her personality on her own. If she loves you and wants to stay together, she should try harder to adjust “who she is,” to the relationship.
People CAN change, but sometimes they need professional help to understand the causes of their behaviour, and learn new strategies to overcome them.
Tip of the day:
Parents need to get their child-rearing act together before they start a power struggle over the kids’ behaviour.