My girlfriend broke off our engagement, though she’d been pushing to get married; I finally bought a ring because she’s 37 and was getting upset all the time. I wanted to have everything perfect: I’d been building a house for us and it takes time to find the right contractor, decide materials etc.
Also, to afford the lifestyle of being married and owning a house, I needed to put in more hours. She wanted to get on with wedding plans and discuss every detail. We’d end up arguing about possible flower arrangements, when I needed to be working, or at the house site!
Also, I needed a break and I left for a golf trip with my buddies though I knew she wasn’t happy about it.
Now, the wedding’s off and she won’t take my calls.
Why do women think they can have everything and guys just have to go along with it?
Not ALL women want “everything,” but most women do want men who are as eager as they are, to marry the person they love.
You two seemed to have focused on “things” instead of each other. If the cost and effort of building a house was too much for you, you should’ve told her so, and discussed living somewhere that was comfortable for now.
Having everything “perfect” is an unrealistic demand to put on yourself and your relationship. What was needed was a conversation about how you two could live together happily, with some compromises on both sides. It’s good to have plans for the future, but these should be secondary to accepting a situation you can afford and have time to enjoy. If you still love her, stop generalizing about “women’s” demands, and let her know you want to try again, this time giving more attention to each other, and your desire to be together.
My new neighbour has been very friendly when we meet on the street or at the kids’ school but I soon realized her husband was my first boyfriend, who’d made my life miserable.
He’d wanted sex (we were 14) and I’d refused. For several years I heard rumours he’d spread of how “loose” I was (not at all) and guys would come onto me in a heavy way. I’d accept a date thinking the guy liked me, only to find out he “expected” sex, from what he’d heard about me.
I can’t just laugh it off now that I’m a happily married mother; this affected me throughout high school. Should I tell my neighbour why we cannot be friends?
- Old Story
No. Be pleasant but don’t become too chatty with her. When you meet, treat her on her own merit but indicate how busy you are, so that if she invites you for a coffee together or to come over and visit, put her off politely.
If you tell her your “story,” her husband might come back with one that repeats his past fictions, in order to avoid her disapproval. Hopefully, he’s matured and, so long as she doesn’t ask questions, he’ll be too embarrassed to say anything about you.
If you bump into him, be civil but move on quickly.
But DO tell your husband that you once dated this guy briefly when you were very young, that he was a jerk, and you’d rather not be friendly with him, so Hubby doesn’t have to wonder if he senses any strange vibes.
Whenever my husband’s sister hosts the family get-together, I can’t do anything right. I either didn’t bring enough food to help her out (she later tells this to everyone in the family), or I brought the wrong food when she had a list assigned (she never told me), or I said something wrong.
She makes me feel so badly after the event, I’m wondering if I should send my husband and kids, and just not go?
- Feeling Defeated
Try hosting one of the get-togethers yourself, and see if she behaves differently. She may be overwhelmed by the effort involved, and lashing out at you. Otherwise, ask ahead exactly what she wants you to bring.
Don’t feel “defeated;” everyone can see the problem is far more hers, than yours. If her criticism escalates, have your brother warn that your family will all stay away, unless she drops her nastiness towards you.
Tip of the day:
When the marriage planning takes away all time and enjoyment from the relationship, re-think what’s your main goal.