My boyfriend and I are in our mid-20s, dating more than a year.
He stated recently that he wants kids. I definitely don’t.
We’re in love, with an amazing relationship.
We don’t live together and haven’t discussed marriage, but I’m hopeful for those things to happen, eventually.
Unfortunately, at some point our relationship will probably end because one wants kids and one doesn’t.
At what point does it absolutely have to be discussed?
- No Babies
Talk NOW, before you end up hurting each other deeply, later on. Tell him of your disinterest in having children, and be open about the reasons.
Be prepared to listen to his side. He may feel you’ll change your mind in time, especially when you reach an age closer to your biological clock’s deadline. Since this phase in a woman’s life often does cause a re-thinking of the topic, be absolutely sure of your beliefs, if you intend to tell him that it won’t change for you.
However, if you find that he has trouble accepting your view or if he brushes it off as you not being that serious about it, consider getting professional help to insure a thorough discussion.
If you love this man enough to consider a long-term future with him, you’d be wise to see a couples’ therapist together before making a decision about how your different attitudes on children affect the relationship.
My mom still treats me like a baby, though I’m married with three kids. She’s pushing me toward calling off our mother-daughter relationship.
She left me when I was 12 and I let her back into my life; we tried counselling but it failed because she thinks nobody’s good enough for me, and that she knows everything about life.
She wanted me to discipline my kids like she disciplined me. I refused.
She didn’t like my daughters’ father, my first partner.
When my husband and I got married, we didn’t tell her, for fear she’d come to City Hall and ruin it.
How do I handle my problems with her?
- Mom Crasher
You’re both approaching this relationship based on your past history… you’ve never truly forgiven her for leaving you; she’s still trying to make up by overdoing her role.
It’s time to move on to another dynamic.
Many Moms and daughters have conflicts, through the natural period of separating from the early closeness, and as the daughter matures and seeks more independence.
You two need to understand that the stage should now be long over. Tell Mom you’re a grown adult, and can’t tolerate her interference, but that you do want a relationship of two equal women.
If she can accept that – and give her some time to adapt – you can carry on contact.
If she can’t handle it, she either goes back to counselling with you, or you take a break from each other for a while.
My husband lets his father insult my cooking or say I’m fat from having a baby.
My husband says his father won’t change, I should just ignore it.
- Hurt and Angry
Tell your hubby he’ll never be the man of his household if he doesn’t support his wife against insults and hurts.
Currently, his father is in control, and the son needs to grow up enough to refuse to accept his father’s rudeness to you.
Then together, you can tell his father to stop criticizing, or insist he leaves.
I’m 23, and met a guy who’s possibly interested in me. I like him! How do I keep him going in the right direction?
I’m bad at dating; either I’ll be slightly defensive and push him into “friends only” category, or I’ll be overly flirty, where he’ll put me into “sex only.”
I’d like to keep him around, but I refuse to be used.
We have common interests, but I’m so afraid of dropping the ball.
You’re smart enough to know your pattern, so now’s the time to nip it in the bud.
Hold back your defensiveness, and treat any moves on his part at face value.
If he shows interest, return the attention. Discuss things you have in common and show your interest in getting together related to those interests.
Curtail the flirting, and be sincere. You won’t be “used” if you don’t hand yourself over on a platter.
Tip of the day:
When a relationship looks future-bound, it’s time to air out major differences such as those around having children.