My friend’s husband is cheating on her. I know because he works with my husband and he confided in my husband. That in itself is strange because he absolutely knows that I am close with his wife.

The men met in university, then found themselves working at the same office years later. They struck up an easy friendship. Both were engaged at the time to me and his current wife. We double-dated and we women hit it off. The friendship grew closer between the men and between the women. And she and I both got pregnant with our first and second children around the same time.

We spend a lot of time together as couples, as friends, and as families. So, I find it extremely odd that he would spill his secret to my husband. But what’s even more odd, and this is coming from my husband, is that he calls his wife numerous times a day, offering to do anything and everything for her, from picking up the kids to going to the grocery store. But he then either leaves work early under the guise of one of the above, and goes to see his girlfriend, or he tells his wife that because he left early to do these things for her, he now must work late. Another guise for seeing his girlfriend.

My husband just told me everything and now I’m not sure what to do with all this information.

Happy Home Implosion

Your husband let it go too long, but I understand that he was wrestling with his own decision to tell you, knowing that you would feel obligated to tell the wife. And, as her friend, I believe you are obligated. Better she hears it from you than finds out later that you’ve known and didn’t say anything.

There isn’t a better time to tell her than any other, so just rip off the Band-Aid and do it. If she’s oblivious, it’s going to hurt today or tomorrow. She’s going to need your support. You could be proactive and do some research, looking up marriage counsellors, therapists, family lawyers, and mediators, on your friend’s behalf.

Your husband is going to have to decide about his relationship with this man. It will be difficult for them to remain friends, both from his sense of decency and your loyalty. Though he’ll still need to maintain a healthy working relationship with him.

Why did he confide in your husband? Perhaps he wanted to get caught. Perhaps he’s in over his head and doesn’t know how to get out from either or both relationships. Perhaps he’s just a jerk who was boasting.

My wife and I are fighting incessantly. I can’t live with her anymore. She’s the messiest person I’ve ever met, and I think she’s a hoarder. Her stuff is literally everywhere in our small house. When she disrobes at the end of the day, her clothes are strewn from the living room to the bathroom. Her half-full coffee cups are scattered in every room, as are glasses of water. She’ll get up from reading and leave her book, open, face down on the couch for days.

She says I’m controlling.

Is there any hope for us?

Fed Up

If you two can rise above the details, then yes, there’s hope. I strongly suggest marriage counselling. I also strongly suggest compromise and a cleaning schedule.

For example, if she can’t put her cups away when she’s done with them, twice a week she needs to go through the house collecting them all, washing them and putting them away. There’s much more to it, but you could start there.

FEEDBACK Regarding senior love (Dec. 22):

Reader – “Be VERY cautious regarding scams. Seniors are prime targets.  I saw the SAME PHOTO on two different ‘women’ who responded.  Generally, by the third exchange, money was brought into discussions.  Plus, note where they are seemingly located.  For some reason I was targeted by ‘women’ located in the States (Washington, Utah, Wyoming) and I live in Toronto.

“I viewed my efforts as a journey with no specific end results.  Just taking it one day at a time to see where anything may lead. Romance or just good companionship.

“Contrary to what many dating sites advise, I highly recommend meeting in person early (in a safe and public location).  That way you can confirm there’s a real person.

“I would also suggest getting involved locally, like joining local recreation club and meeting people in person, even males. You never know who may have a sister or friend of friend.”