More readers’ accounts regarding cheating and betrayals:
Reader – “I married my husband 13 years ago and was a good stepmother to his son who lived with us. Sadly, my husband was emotionally abusive towards me throughout our marriage.
“He hid money, spent all the money I put in our joint savings, and always cried that he had no money, despite earning $125,000 annually.
“Eventually I discovered that he had a girlfriend, a so-called “friend” with whom he worked out at the gym. She knew he was married.
“One day I accidentally found his bank statement.
“I discovered that he spent over $10,000 of our joint money on in vitro fertilization (IVF) to get his “friend” pregnant.
“He’d wanted me to pay more house bills so he could spend more of his money on her.
“Two days later, he left after I confronted him, and has been at his girlfriend’s since.
“I’ve even discovered that, several years prior, he’d been making plans to spend a night with an old flame.
“I also learned that my stepson knew of his dad's affair. My heart was so broken.
“My husband had been paying all his bills and his now-adult son's bills from our joint savings.
“I’d been the only one putting money in that account bi-weekly, and foolishly not reviewing the account.
“After he left, I discovered there was no more money in our joint savings.
“Meanwhile, he was hiding thousands that his mom apparently gifted him.
“He’d been creating a nest egg for himself and leaving me with nothing.
“Ladies be aware. Read my story and be wise to the possibility that you might be with someone with an agenda from the start.
Women too, pursue married men for flings; it's a two-way street in my opinion. Cheating, regardless of who did it, destroys trust, which is the very foundation of a relationship.
It took me many years to come to grips with infidelity, far too many.
Retired, widowed and finally happy
Ellie –I sincerely hope that means that you’re “finally happy” with a partner whom you love and trust.
Reader’s Commentary “Thank you for doing these articles on the other woman.
“I was going to take out a 1-800 line for women to call if their husband (in this small town) was having or had an affair and ask who was the woman.
“I figured that the woman who’s involved with my husband would be the most popular name on the list when they listed the “other woman” who ruined their life.
“However, I haven’t thrown him out as we have a daughter with an incurable disease who’s currently unwell, and I’ve already lost both a daughter and her husband to a drunk driver. I don’t think I can take another loss with my children.
“I’m getting counselling but I still need to know he’s there.
“I know that’s hard to understand, but it is what it is.”
Ellie - It’s not hard to understand, because so many women and men alike have felt that same personal tug-of-war that exists within oneself over betrayal.
Knowing that your partner cheats is deeply hurtful, but it also feels far too hard to try to carry on alone with your other serious difficulties.
I’m not excusing your husband, but given the loss of a daughter and son-in-law which you both already experienced, plus the serious illness of your other daughter, he’s also known pain…
But he’s weaker than you are. Stay with counselling.
After spending a weekend with my cousin, I was appalled at her emphasis on her seven-year-old daughter’s appearance.
She constantly uses exaggerated praise and exclamations about the girl’s physical “perfections,” repeating things like, “did you ever see eyes so blue?” “aren’t her blonde curls just gorgeous?” etc.
With girls and women alike currently trying to gain acceptance/admiration for their abilities, inner character and drive to succeed at whatever they choose, this is a throwback to convincing a female that she’s only as good as her appearance.
How can I help my single-parent cousin understand that praise based only on looks isn’t healthy for her daughter’s development of a strong self-image and self-respect?
Proceed gently, this single Mom is trying too hard.
Give the gift of a book: The Confidence Code for Girls: Taking Risks, Messing Up, and Becoming Your Amazingly Imperfect, Totally Powerful Self, by author Katy Kay, and two others.
Discuss it with her.
Tip of the day:
Infidelity’s painful to discover, creating a tough choice which only you can make.