I’m 24, a university and college graduate working a full-time job. I come from an upper-middle-class family, but was never spoiled and always taught to work hard for things in life - which I do. 

My boyfriend of four years is from a lower-class family, and only has his high school diploma. I’ve encouraged him to go back to school but he’s never had the desire. He’s able to find jobs that pay well and is successful at them. However with the economy, I worry that he’d be the first to go and face difficulty find work elsewhere.

I’m feeling torn between my love for him, and thinking logically about the future. My parents are also concerned and want someone who’ll be able to provide and support me the same way I could support them.

- What To Do

If class-consciousness and your parents’ attitudes are the biggest influences in your life, then forget about love and find a “provider”… even though many highly educated people are being laid off every day during these uncertain times. 

As for logic, pay attention to facts, not to fears. Example: There’ll be money and jobs ahead for skilled construction workers, as governments stimulate the economy through infrastructure improvements. A lot of former money managers and lawyers, for instance, would do well to learn some of those skills, as would your boyfriend.

Remind yourself and your parents that we’re all currently learning that it’s very hard to predict the future; instead, people have to find their place in it.

I’ve been seeing someone for about 18 months; during the earlier part of it he was going through a separation. Then, it was all, “let’s get married” and “I love you.” 

Now, I feel like the flame from that candle is gone. I love him, but unsure if I should stay with him any longer, as he cannot say he loves me. When I ask, he’ll say sometimes, or he needs his space and wants to go out and be with his friends.

Also, he’s said that his ex tormented him and never let him go out with friends, and he’s afraid to go through with another marriage.

I’m not getting any younger and would like to start a family soon. He wants children too, but doesn’t want to be married again.

- Confused

A person “going through a separation” is rarely emotionally free. When he talked of love and marriage, you should’ve been the realistic one, and kept a cooler watch on how his “unmarried” status affected him over time. 

Give him his space by taking a break. Since you love him, don’t do it in anger or retaliation, but rather because he really needs to test his readiness for a next phase with you.

Meantime, date others and keep your options open…you may need them.

My father’s still bitter about my mother’s leaving him 10 years ago; he’s remained single. My stepfather’s a caring man, and he and Mom welcome my visits. 

Recently, I had a tonsillectomy, and chose to recover there, as my father works late and I didn’t want to be alone at his place or mine. He never called to see how I was, though I tried to reach him.

- What To Say?

Visit Dad, and tell him you love him. Then, state how hurtful it was that he never called and you sincerely hope he’s not taking out on you his anger towards what happened so long ago. 

Next, change the subject.

The affluent grandmother (paternal) of my sister’s sons always favoured the older, academic one (early 20’s). The other boy (late teens) finished college, and works hard at two jobs. The elder was given $1000 at 19; the younger boy turned 19, and received $100. 

My sister’s hurt, yet her husband refuses to confront his mother. She wants to return the money, or make up the difference – but not cause family friction.

- Concerned Aunt

Topping up the $100 gift will keep peace… for a while. 

Eventually, the grandmother’s insensitivity will cause a reaction from the younger son and/or his mom. The father’s silence permits these discrepancies; he’s contributing to demeaning his son. Perhaps he’s always been under this hard woman’s thumb; or fears a confrontation will mean less future inheritance.

But so far, the legacy from this grandmother – and this father - is a deterioration of his family’s unity. Your sister should say so.