Two bad options: I have strong feelings for my best friend at university, but it isn’t mutual. She wants to stay friends and so do I, but I feel like I can’t get over her. 

I’m in a rut because my feelings for her are so strong, yet I want to get rid of them.

- Can’t Choose

Two opposite consequences: 1) If you wallow in self-pity, act moody around her, or push your feelings, you’ll soon lose her interest in friendship. 

2) If you drop the fantasy of what “could’ve, should’ve, would’ve” been, and accept reality, you’ll stay friendly, nurse your wounded feelings privately (with lessened contact for a while), and move on.

Now, choose.

The ex-girlfriend of my boyfriend (we’re together one year) constantly contacts him. He once saw her before picking me up; he said he ran out of her house because he realized his heart was with me. I was hurt about his seeing her. Later, I found their text messages, with him stating, “I’ll always love you.” 

She’d call in the middle of the night asking him to “sleep over.” He’s said that I’m only jealous because she’s a model. He changed his phone number but she hunted him down and left him voice messages bad-mouthing me. He called her in front of me and said to never call again, he’s happy with me.

At our same workplace, I saw his work email open and found her name. He said he can talk to anyone he chooses (though he’d promised me he’d never talk to her again).

Is it time for me to leave him?

- Love Triangle

Your tale of The Model and The Liar has an obvious ending: Leave. She has a hold on him that you can’t break. That job is his and he’s avoided it for a year. 

Make sure your next relationship is with someone who’s honest – with you and him - about being unattached.

My long-distance boyfriend and I are talking marriage. But his folks aren’t happy because we’re from different parts of the same country - yet the differences are, actually, minute. 

It took my boyfriend time to handle that his parents may not accept our relationship with the same open arms they welcomed the arranged marriages of his siblings (according to our culture). My folks are open to it.

My boyfriend says he’ll propose soon but I know he’s disturbed about his parents’ stance. His sister thinks he should do what they want; she’s become distant with me.

It hurts me that his family thinks of me as an interloper. My mom says that how HE feels about me is what matters; besides, we’ll be living across the country from his family after we get married.

I wanted to respect and honour his family but didn’t expect this.

- What to Do

Respect and honour his family when with them, but plan your future with your boyfriend positively. Try to keep his family in your life but don’t allow them to dictate it. You can do this if you apply compassion their perspective: Arranged marriages are what they know. 

Their son’s decision to make his own choice and also move far away from them has them feeling rejected and anxious about whether things will work out between you. Time, and your happiness as a couple, will hopefully prove their fears wrong.

But if you two anguish over their current attitudes, your wedding and marriage will be negatively affected by feelings of guilt and self-doubts.

I’m living in the same house as my estranged wife, battling all the time. Yet moving out is expensive before we actually divorce and sell our house, so I’m hanging in to make sure I get my share. 

She’s bitter and angry, though she’s the one whom I discovered was having an affair and actually planning to divorce me, once her lover’s divorced too, which is in the works.

How can I get her to live peaceably under the same roof for another year or so?

- Besieged

You’re attempting what’s clearly the impossible for you two. Move out to cheap digs, temporarily, and swallow the cost in favour of your well-being. 

Having you there is making her angry, because she knows she’s created a mess and must go through the turmoil of change, not tom mention some guilt.

She may also have doubts about her lover’s commitment, when and if he’s free.