My husband of 20 years has weighed 300 pounds for most of our married life. There's no sex drive for me. I take care of myself and stay active, healthy, do a lot to keep myself looking good. We're both early 40s.

He's not active, doesn't play sports, doesn't socialize with his own friends, and is money conscious so eats cheap, unhealthy, fast food. I've been unable to simply say that there's no passion in our marriage, but he should see it himself.
Would I be selfish for thinking of leaving him? I used to believe you make a marriage work no matter what (my religion) but no longer.

No Passion

Your thoughts are NOT selfish, and may prove to be self-protective. You've seen what life with him will likely be for the next 20 years, and know it'll eventually make you miserable, depressed, and hopeless, whereas now you still have dreams of something better.

HOWEVER, until you consider how to make those dreams a reality, you're not ready to leave. Staying fit and healthy is important, but you need to be emotionally prepared to go it alone. There are NO guarantees of meeting a Mr. Perfect, and the dating scene for middle-aged divorced women isn't a cakewalk.

Yet, if you're certain you can handle it, that your religious beliefs and some family or friends' disapproval won't haunt you, you CAN make a good life without feeling dragged down by another person for whom you have little feeling.

See a lawyer to be sure of how you'll manage financially. Then, give your husband six months or so to go to counseling with you, and hopefully recognize that he must make some changes.

If you fear his reaction will be harsh, or even physical, make plans ahead of time, for leaving safely. He may feel more inner passion than you know.

Before my fiancé and I got together, we were friends for two years. We decided to be with each other as a couple, when I gave him a kiss and he then let me know that he was attracted to me.

In the beginning, everything was good. We've been in a serious relationship for a year and now all we do is argue. He gets upset with me over the littlest things.

He often tells me that he wants to break up and that he does not want to be with me at all. Should we get married? What can I do so that I don't upset him as much? It seems like nothing is working. Please help me.

Confused

You should NOT marry. You should not even want to go ahead with plans to marry, when he's told you these harsh, distancing facts about his feelings.

If you bend over backwards now, to "not upset him as much," you'll be stuck in a situation of trying to please him, and bowing to his every whim, for years to come.

But it won't last that way, and shouldn't last that way. To be happy in a relationship, you need to be able to talk about what's really going on, why he gets upset over anything and everything. And, most important, you need to preserve your self-respect by having him respect you.

Whatever his reason(s) for trying to end this, if he won't explain and work on staying together, you need to end it, too. Start with a six-months break.

What connection should my boyfriend have with his ex? I'm okay with their "friendship," but believe she wants more. She often gets angry that he doesn't have enough time for her, and acts passive-aggressively.

I think she's still very hurt from their break-up, and might still have feelings for him. How do I approach this without being the crazy person who dictates their relationship?

Devastated

Point out her anger to him, and ask whether he finds that uncomfortable. Let him realize for himself that she's behaving like someone who wants more, and then ask how he's going to handle that. Your tone should be helpful, not blaming of him.

However, if her passive-aggression becomes too uncomfortable for you, just say so. If you present it rationally, with obvious examples, he won't think you're overreacting. Also, ask him to bring you along sometimes so she gets the message you ARE a couple.