Dear reader: As I noted in an earlier column, my daughter, Lisi, will be handling the writing duties a few times a week. Enjoy her take on today’s questions. – Ellie
I’m a 39-year-old guy, coming up on 40. I’m not thrilled about the milestone, but it is what it is. I can’t stop the ageing process from happening. I take care of myself, I’m fit, healthy, and in a good space. I know my lane and how to stay in it.
For example, I know it’s no longer cool for me to date women in their 20’s. I’m ready to find a woman with whom to share my life, start a family, and enter the next chapter. But it’s not that easy.
I like to go out, and the women I meet are usually younger, out for a fun night, not looking for Mr. Right. I go to the gym, I hike, I walk my dog, I go to events – but the women I meet there are already engaged or married.
Where do I find single women in their 30’s?
Ready and Looking
Good question! And I like your attitude. But don’t discount those 20-somethings. Lots of women are ready to start a family in their late 20’s.
I assume you have friends, married and single. Ask them, and their partners, if they have any single friends for you to meet.
Spread your wings even further. Do things out of your zone. For example, go to a dog park in a different part of your city; hike a different trail; find a different bar/club.
You never know who’ll you meet……
My sister and her boyfriend are acting really weird. They’re always on the phone – nothing new – but now they fight a lot. And my sister keeps shutting her door, crying.
How can I help?
Hug her whenever you see she’s upset. You both sound fairly young so doubtful she’ll come to you for advice if you’re even younger than her. Just show her you care. Whatever it is will work itself out.
Reader’s Commentary Regarding the neighbour, the gardener, and the neighbour’s kids (June 1):
“I’m a frequent reader of your mother’s column and I marvel at the crazy world we live in.
“Your answer to the neighbour looking out for the young kids reminded me how differently we care for our kids these days compared to 30 years ago.
“Sometimes, I ask myself if I truly was a negligent parent compared to my kids who are now raising their kids.
“I’m now a retired, elderly man and I adore my grandkids. I also like gardening. Am I now unqualified to keep an eye on young kids simply because of my age?
“The neighbour is pretty judgemental. She disapproves of her neighbour because she always (sometimes?) yells at her kids and husband. The neighbour is (apparently) unhinged. Is she a qualified professional to make such a judgement? The neighbour is loud. I have a loud voice and so does my wife. So what?
“She mentioned that her neighbour’s husband was appreciative getting the information about the supposed negligence. I would assume the total opposite. He was probably really pissed off, having to come home early from work. And, then, he would have to contend with his (unhinged?) wife who probably reached a new level of unhinged-ness.
“Maybe, the couple in question does have issues. However, as she points out herself, it’s none of her business.
“I appreciate that times have changed and they keep on changing. However, the pendulum seems to have swung out of control!
“P.S. I do agree with your advice to the neighbour to keep quiet! I have a problem with you telling her she did the right thing.”
Lisi-LOVE that you read my mom’s columns. And I agree – this is a crazy world we live in. But as you so deftly point out, times they are a-changing. We do many things differently now than you did while raising kids. Like seatbelts and helmets and mouth guards. We are constantly improving for the safety of our children.
I can’t comment whether you were negligent or not as a parent. Nor am I stating that you’re incompetent now due to your age.
Try to look at the bigger picture and not each nitty-gritty detail, and don’t make assumptions. We all go wrong with that one.
As I mentioned in a previous column, with more information, and a follow up email, I’m certain the letter-writing neighbour did the right thing. The other woman is now getting the help she needs.