I’m 42, twice-divorced.
At 20, I married my high-school sweetheart, the only guy I ever dated. All my friends were getting married; my home life with parents wasn’t very good. We split up after one year. I wanted my freedom and independence.
The second time I married at age 28… again, for the wrong reasons. I figured my biological clock was ticking and that this guy was the best I could do in spite of certain behaviours I didn’t accept. We had two children and were together for 12 years.
I’ve had counselling and realize that my own insecurities and poor choices landed me in these situations.
Presently, I’m in a relationship with a really nice guy. I admire how calm and composed he is.
He knows that I’ve been married and have two children. He does not know that I was also previously married for a year – few people know this.
One ex-boyfriend constantly rubbed my nose in it.
The counsellor said that the first marriage didn’t really count.
Should I tell this guy? I feel guilty and ashamed for my past mistakes and motives. There’s definitely a stigma attached to being married twice or more.
So, how much information is too much?
And should I tell him about a bone-headed move I made 22 years ago?

- Ashamed

Stop beating yourself up, and thinking yourself less than the guy you’re dating and admire.
Going into a more committed relationship with secrets and feelings of inferiority is a certain set-up for later problems. For example: 1) He may somehow discover one day that you’d kept this first marriage hidden, and resent the deceit; 2) He could then suspect there were more secrets to uncover; 3) Act like you’re the lesser person in a union and you may eventually be treated as such.
Instead, tell this man that the reason you appreciate him so much is that you’ve learned from past mistakes; you’d married once to escape a bad home life (as did many others, trust me), and now know the “right reasons” for a relationship, which are mutual love, understanding and respect.
It can only be truly “mutual” if you’re open with him.

I worked for a cable company for 18 years, in many departments, but they downsized my last department. The way the company went about doing it was totally wrong – pushing people like me with seniority to work the night shift, hoping we’d quit.
I hung in, but when on vacation was called in to the office and offered a severance package and no other job. I couldn’t believe they could do that to someone with so many years of service with them.
I became very depressed, angry, and hurt. I lost weight.
I still can’t let go because in my heart I had a clean, perfect record. I feel that there should’ve been something I could have done.
How do I let go and was the cable company wrong?

- Unfair

A labour lawyer looking into the facts of this situation can tell you if you were wrongly treated; this is one of the routes you could’ve gone, and could still pursue.
However, lawyers can be stressfully expensive. It’s important that you first look after your health.
See your doctor about your depression, and consider getting counselling to help you decide whether to “let this go” and apply for another job elsewhere, and/or look into your legal standing to sue for wrongful dismissal.

I'm in my teens, with two younger siblings; we live with my dad and his gay partner.
My mom is an alcoholic, has been in several different treatment centres, has two drunk-driving charges, and lives with Grandma. She’s about to go into another centre and wants to know if I have faith in her, though she’s broken my heart so many times!
What can I answer her without my dad and his partner being mad, because they don't have faith in her?

- Broken-Hearted Daughter

Your mom needs your support, by you telling her you care about her. Say that it’s important to both of you that she have enough faith in herself to commit to getting sober.
Your dad has a right to his disappointment in her, and likely fears you’ll be let down too. But he’d be wrong to deny you any opportunity to encourage her to improve her life.