Recently, a friend told me about an incident with their neighbour.  They have 10 children: six boys and four girls. The children were outside playing ball and one of the boys deliberately kicked their small dog.  It was apparent that this was not the first time as the dog seemed genuinely afraid of the children.  When my neighbour said something, in an attempt to explain to the children that their behaviour was not OK, the boys stared at her defiantly and seemed not to understand.

They are of a different ethnic origin, and she felt perhaps they didn't take the word of a woman seriously. She may send her husband over but suspects this is learned behaviour from the parents, so they may not listen or care.

What's your advice in dealing with this situation?

Animal Lover

I am also an animal lover, and this story makes me physically sick. How can anyone – child or adult – think it’s OK to kick an animal? It’s disgusting behaviour. And you are probably right that it is learned behaviour, unfortunately.

I’m not sure sending her husband over will do any good, but I strongly suggest calling animal protection services in your area. Your report can be made anonymously but with as much information as you can provide. The health and welfare of this small dog is the most important issue here and your neighbour needs to do everything she can to ensure its safety.

What do I do when I’m caught in the middle of two friends, but one of them doesn’t know that I know? The story is that two friends of mine are fighting and it’s intense. One was experiencing bullying and the other knew about the bullying but didn’t stop it. Not only did they not stop it, but they also ignored the situation when it was happening.

In all honesty, I don’t think I want to be friends with someone who doesn’t stick up for their friends when they’re getting bullied. What if I get bullied one day? I already know she won’t stick up for me!

But how do I just stop being friends with her when we’re very good friends and she doesn’t know that I know about the fight?

Lost in the Middle

I also wouldn’t want to be friends with someone who I know wouldn’t protect me from bullies. You have two choices: you can slowly and quietly pull away from this friend. When she notices, and asks why, you can explain yourself. Or you can tell her that you know, and you don’t trust that she’d stick up for you in the same situation. The latter gives her a chance to respond and fight for your friendship, if she’s so inclined.

I think my dad is having an affair and my mom is clueless. Part of me wants to call him out on it, but part of me doesn’t. If my mom doesn’t know, then he could get away with it and she could just keep on living her life as happily as ever. But I would hate for her to catch a disease from his philandering, or, for him to just up and leave her out of the blue (from her unknowing viewpoint).

What should I do?

Daughter

I strongly suggest you talk to your dad. Tell him that you know and that he must tell your mom – or you will. You’d hate it if everyone knew that your husband was having an affair and you didn’t know. Your mom deserves the right to know and make her own informed decisions about her next steps.

FEEDBACK Regarding the generational pain (April 12):

Reader – “First, I totally admire this mother's conscious approach placing their daughter first and considering her well-being. I totally agree regarding seeking therapy. If the husband is also on-board, maybe family therapy would be helpful, where everyone can stress that it is in NO WAY the child’s fault.

“If her husband is not on-board, I would suggest a two-phase therapy approach, where she goes to therapy alone and then with her daughter. If her husband becomes acrimonious, she needs to have the tools ready to protect their daughter, including anything legal. Especially if the dad tries any games with the daughter, it would be helpful if she knows what that looks like and can express herself clearly to her mother, if need be.

“From personal experience, the wife’s intentions may be admirable, but her husband’s intentions could be totally opposite.”