My boyfriend of five years is sometimes sweet but his anger management problems drive me crazy. 

How can I change him or should I just break up?

- Frustrated

Years of accepting “sometimes sweet” laced with outbursts is a training period for a lifetime of misery. Anyone in a relationship that causes a feeling of “crazy-making” needs to protect themselves and their partner by becoming pro-active. 

He has to want to change, which can only come from recognizing the consequences of his anger.

Leave him, explaining that you won’t live with this problem unless he works hard to handle it. You need at least six-months complete break during which he seeks therapy and/or takes an anger-management course, and learns strategies to deal with frustration, anxiety, insecurity, rage, etc.

Do NOT re-connect unless he shows proof of getting help, and until you spend several months “on trial” as a couple.

My husband of 30 years and I are late-50s; he’s a manager in a company which hired very attractive women in their 20s whom he’s mentored. They admire him.  

He’s long had regular pub nights with male colleagues. Recently, he’s been open that the young women joined, they all get inebriated, and go on to places where there’s dancing.

When I’ve commented, he looked angry and said, “nothing happens.” He doesn’t see anything wrong or inappropriate.

I’ve always trusted him and never before had doubts.

I don’t know whether to tell him I’m angry and uncomfortable with this situation, or go out late with friends more, to show him how it feels - knowing he wouldn’t like it.

- Upset and Hurt

You can probably still trust your guy, without trusting the mix of booze plus admiring young co-workers. 

Drop the anger, and speak to your husband gently about feeling uncomfortable for him as well as yourself.

It’s unseemly for a manager to be regularly inebriated around employees, even if “nothing happens.” Say it’d make any loving spouse uneasy about the late nights, the excess drinking, and whatever is on other peoples’ minds if not on his.

Even if he’s responsible, his male colleagues may be less so; as a boss, he should be modelling more appropriate behaviour by going home before the drinks take over, and definitely before the dancing (which encourages losing inhibitions).

Suggest that you two go dancing sometimes.

As for your staying out late without him, retaliation divides more than helps.

I recently discovered that my fiancé (living together several months) has been viewing graphic, adult, soft-core porn regularly. 

I’ve lost much respect for him because I believe men needing porn are pathetic. My trust has also dropped because I feel it’s a form of cheating.

We have an active sex life, which I’d thought was satisfying us both.

Should I ignore it as a relatively minor flaw in an otherwise great guy?

Or should I request that he stop, and possibly risk our future if he refuses?

- Torn

Your relationship is already at risk if you’ve lost respect, trust and confidence in your sex life, so you MUST deal with this. 

There’s a wide variance in your reaction - between “pathetic (and) cheater” vs. “minor flaw.” Decide what you really feel about porn, and about what you can live with; then tell him that you personally disdain it, and wish he wouldn’t view it.

If you two can discuss an acceptable compromise, go for it.

If he refuses outright, the next move is yours.

I’m 20, dating a man, 28, with two kids. 

Over six months, he’s introduced me to family including his mom, and wants me to meet his kids. But he refuses to meet my mom, saying that she won’t like him and might want our relationship to end.

Not true - she’ll respect my decision to be with him.

Sometimes he makes me feel like we have a future and sometimes I feel like I’m wasting my time.

Should I meet his kids?

- Uncertain

Stay anonymous until you are more sure of the relationship – children don’t need the instability of Daddy having short-term girlfriends. 

His view of your mom’s reaction is a red flag: maybe he knows he’s in a situation, which she’ll see through and disapprove (not separated, or not honest with you, or other complications). Or, he does NOT see this as long-term.

Cool things, until you know a lot more.