My wife hates her job, is distracted with our young daughter, overwhelmed by household chores, and has withdrawn from me emotionally and physically. She didn’t get a promotion she wanted, but she’s lucky she didn’t get laid off in a recent downsizing.

Also, she’d counted on our buying a bigger house next year, but we lost much of our savings in the market.

It’s a tough time for everyone, not just her, and I need my wife back!

- Losing Out

Give her your support by listening and acknowledging her disappointments, and anxieties. Yes, many people are experiencing dashed hopes but she’s the specific person in your life who’s taking it hard and needs some help. 

Pitch in with your daughter, but also look for some outside resources to lighten the load for you both - e.g. a parent or friend who brings in a cooked meal, a neighbour who can baby-sit while your wife takes a yoga class, or while you two have a date night, etc.

Your wife may also need a process of re-examining her life in today’s abruptly changed environment, through getting professional counselling.

Many people have been caught short by roadblocks thrown in the path of their long-held assumptions about bigger and better jobs, homes, possessions, etc. It’s time to take stock again, realistically - of the challenges ahead and the attitudes and tools needed to handle them.

Talk to her as a positive but practical partner; you may even want to go to counselling with her, to be on the same page of this new chapter in your lives.

My daughter loves to be surrounded by friends and family, and never likes to be alone for long. She drags her baby son around to play dates, visits to her pals, malls, wherever she can chat and eat with others. 

My husband and I get called almost daily to see whether she can “pop over” – a three-hour minimum visit that usually involves dinner, and a call to her husband to join us. Or she has some crisis like a sick baby, and insists we come over.

We love her and our grandson, but after raising four kids (the rest are far more independent) we feel trapped back in our old roles. What can we do without devastating her with our wish for our own free time?

- Grandma on Call

Get busy setting boundaries and sealing them by declaring time slots, which are beyond her intrusion. Example: Create a night at home in which you and Hubby have a private dinner or invite friends over, and insist that this is a regular occurrence, weekly or every second week. 

Set aside a different night for the one she can count on for coming to your place, or for your visiting her. Also, consider signing on for a course, and/or joining a weekly activity program, to occupy at least one other night.

Make it clear that you’re always going to respond to real emergencies, but will not rush over every time the baby has a mild cold. You can still be generous and loving without having to be over-indulgent.

If she calls too often on the in-between nights, to “pop over,” be honest if you’re too tired or want to take a long bath and early snooze.

NOTE: IF you feel she’s displaying unusual or escalating hyperactivity or obsessive behaviour, encourage her to get checked out medically for these. Treatments and mental health strategies are available through specialists.

I’m 29, have a decent job, am attractive and outgoing but don’t have my own place and can’t get a decent boyfriend; I feel like a loser! 

I’ve been saving money living with my parents, and am determined to have my own space by 30, or I’ll hate myself. But the only guys I meet are jerks, either needy or controlling.

What am I doing wrong?

- Desperate

Drop the desperation – if it’s in your mind, it’s in your face and attitude. 

Your deadline is false; you need to feel more independent NOW, not by a certain age. Grab your savings and either rent or buy as soon as possible, and focus on making that space a haven. Then, invite friends over; broaden your network by pushing yourself to meet new people and asking trusted people to set you up.

When you’re more confident and comfortable, good guys will approach you.