I went back to my ex-boyfriend of three years; we still argue, because he’ll make plans with me, and then change them without notice. He just says, “Sorry Babe, I’m going out with so-and-so.” 

My job is demanding, so I plan my free time in advance. When he doesn’t inform me that we’re no longer hanging out, I get upset because I could’ve made plans with friends or family. He does this after several great days of quality time together.

Recently, he said, “I’m going to be with you for the rest of my life.” Does he think he can disrespect me by breaking plans, because I went back to him after 1.5 years? I’d been considering this as a completely new relationship because we’re older and more mature now.

- Confused Again

He thinks he can break plans because that’s always been his pattern; it’s a result of his casual attitude versus your set routines. 

I’m guessing this extends beyond the issue of hanging out or not, and is about personality differences rather than disrespect. Since you two are capable of “great days of quality time together,” use them for deeper communication, to try to understand each other better.

You can only stay together “forever” if you both learn to compromise. Try a new approach: Decide together on a couple of regular, no-changes “date nights” which he can’t forget or slough off; then, you can arrange the rest of your time as you please.

If he lets you down again, consider whether he’s really capable of changing his patterns to save the relationship.

Our wonderful, loving granddaughter, age 8, is developmentally delayed with Down syndrome; she’s been integrated into the public school system since age 4. 

However, her parents mostly let her do whatever she wants: jumping on our furniture after being asked not to (by us), climbing into our car in front of her parents while we have to physically remove her, and running from us and her parents wherever or whenever she wants.

She shows no basic manners - licking food off her plate, often depending on being fed.

Her parents don’t try to teach her, though when we insist that she stop boisterous or possibly dangerous behaviour, she usually does. But then, they seem annoyed at us.

How do we broach discipline matters without saying we’re extremely uncomfortable with their blasé attitude, especially when visiting our home?

We adore her and love their visits, but it’s so stressful.

- Concerned Grandparents

These parents are dealing with the challenges and rewards of raising their child in the ways they believe best. They’ve either thought through their approach deliberately or, it’s possible that they’re feeling unsure, and anxious about not stressing the child. 

As caring grandparents, you’d do well to get on side with them, to show that your interest is on the child’s behalf, not your own.

Ask to attend a meeting of your local Down Syndrome Association, with them, or go yourselves to get more informed.

There’ve been many advances in the knowledge about these children, many of whom grow up to lead useful lives in the community.

Research the experts’ thinking on when best to apply discipline and manners in keeping with the child’s cognitive abilities. Then discuss your findings with the parents in a non-judgmental way, as part of her extended family that seeks the best for her.

• Contact the Canadian Down Syndrome Society at 1-800-883-5608; or [email protected].

My brother married my sister-in-law when she was facing being deported. She controls him; he no longer spends time with friends or family, unless she’s along (and cuts their visits short).  

Recently, she lost her temper over HER losing a key. She hit my brother with her purse and, when I said, relax, she verbally attacked me. So I called her out on how she treats my brother. It’s affected his relationship with the whole family.

How can love make one so blind to turn on their family?

- Hurt Sister

It’s a good thing love glosses over some flaws, as it holds people together. 

His wife IS your brother’s first family now. She was wrong to lash out at you, but your comments went beyond the moment. Neither of them wanted your opinion on how they operate as a couple.

To rebuild closer family connections, apologize to both of them.