I recently started dating someone whom I've known since childhood. When we were kids, he was my best friend but he also hurt me because he was immature.
As we grew up, he realized he really wanted to be with me. It scared me away, causing me to really hate him. But now things have changed, we both grew up, and we're very happy together.
We haven't told anyone that we started dating because everyone I know absolutely despises him. I just don't know what to do, and am wondering if this relationship is even a good idea knowing I can never get the approval of anyone I care about.
The road to maturity still lies ahead.
Have the courage of your own feelings - tell your friends you were wrong about this guy and wrongly fanned their disapproval for silly reasons.
If you still wonder if the relationship is "a good idea" for these reasons, it's not.... for his sake.
What advice do you give to young guys who are respectful but just want fun?
Some of us aren't evil; we just want a great time with no strings. But many women only want friendship or relationships, while the reality is that lots of young guys aren't at that stage.
Women give out mixed signals so how do we know which ones are good and which one's are more promiscuous?
If we knew who the easier women were, we wouldn't try and change the good ones.
"Mixed messages" work both ways. If you truly want clarity upfront, YOU have to state at the start that you want "fun, no strings... and someone promiscuous." Somehow, I doubt you're that open about what you want.
Dating requires selectivity, and maturity (see above). After one date, you should know if the person is as free-spirited and easy as you're seeking, or not. The clue that you're NOT trying hard to differentiate is that you "try and change them."
Be honest yourself, and you'll get honest messages back.
A colleague states he's in love with me. Being single, it's flattering to get adoration when so many men I date are non-committal.
However, he's married with young children. He says he and his wife sleep in separate beds and don't have sex, and it'll take time to leave.
Can two people truly find each other at an inconvenient time and have it work out?
Wonder about this: If there's no sex, and he "loves" you, why can't he leave? How long are you willing to "wait" as the other woman? And is being flattered and adored (as his escape route) worth this choice?
My marriage and that of several of my friends seemed to be going okay. Then, my former spouse, as well as those of a few close friends, showed a new interest in going to the gym and working out.
I, and all of my friends, encouraged this activity. In every single case it turned out that there was another man who the woman was trying to look good for. Unfortunately, all these relationships ended in divorce.
Signals of an Affair
It's an unusual coincidence, which may've been influenced by a particular era and age phase of those women (you don't say when this happened).
However, there had to be underlying problems in the marriage in every case - whether restlessness of one wife, to downright unhappiness of another - for the fitness goal to be an affair.
FEEDBACK Regarding the outgoing woman whose fiancé's a homebody, who withholds sex from her through being asleep when she returns, or angry, and says she's "blocking" their sex life (Oct. 26):
Reader - "It reminds me of my experience with a domineering and controlling boyfriend. He's taunting her. She says she'd like sex at times when he will not respond, one reason being that he's angry at her for not staying home with him.
"It's one thing to tell your partner you'd like him/her to stay home in order to have sex, i.e. negotiate for having sex that evening, and quite another to demand a partner be home for sex at your own opportune time.
"She should take this taunt as a red flag. Once he's established that she's the one avoiding sex, and she should feel guilty for it, he will formulate other ways to control her."
Tip of the day:
Be careful that your own badmouthing of someone doesn't come back to bite you, when you change your opinion.