My friend’s husband had a problem with alcohol a few years back. He was drinking copious amounts and blacking out. His wife would return from work and find him semi-conscious on the couch, or floor. It was a terrible time for both of them.

He went to rehab for several months and returned a healthier person. He does not drink any alcohol. Or so he says.

A mutual friend of ours rented a cottage and invited everyone up this summer. I was fortunate to go up twice with my husband and once on my own.

While I was there on my own, this couple also came for the weekend. My understanding was that he was comfortable and capable being around alcohol without partaking. I assume that if he couldn’t handle that, he wouldn’t have come. He knows the crowd. Everyone drinks, especially during the summer.

He brought non-alcoholic beer and always had one in his hand. I never noticed if it was the same one or if he was drinking many. But once I was chatting with him and was certain I smelled alcohol on his breath.

The kicker is that someone had brought a full bottle of vodka and had put it in the fridge because they don’t like it in the freezer. They ended up needing to leave early and the host insisted they take their unopened bottle. We couldn’t find it and the ONLY bottle of vodka we found was open and in the freezer. I’m convinced he was drinking. Do I tell his wife?

Cottage drinking

Absolutely not! This is none of your business. You could share it with your husband so he’s also aware but that’s it. Maybe it was him, taking a sip, to take off the edge. And maybe it wasn’t. I’m not dismissing anything because I would hate to hear that he falls back into his old ways. But it’s still not your place, at this juncture, to say anything.

I am a 44-year-old married man with six beautiful girls and a loving wife who I’ve been with since I was 14. When I started dating my wife, it was a summer love; she lived a few hours away. The first winter after we dated, I met someone and fell in love with her; but being the confused kid that I was, when I saw my now-wife again the following summer, I felt guilty for what I had done. So, when I arrived home, I broke it off with the other girl. I never spoke to her or saw her again. But it’s been eating away at me, particularly the last few years.

I love my wife and have no intentions of leaving her or cheating. I am very loyal. But I’ve been trying to find the other girl so that I can apologize to her. Now that I look back, I realize we had a very close relationship, and I wish I had kept in touch with her. I realize that wherever she is in the world she has her own life now, as do I.

How do I let this go? It’s getting harder to hold back the tears and I do not want to destroy my relationship with my wife. I have no family to talk to, so I thought maybe you had some advice for me.

Old Flame

This is a 30-year-old story. You’ve been pining for another woman for three decades! Yet you profess to love your wife with whom you have six children? That woman doesn’t need your apology now. She may have needed it then, but that was then. This is now and you need to get a grip. I suggest you talk to a therapist before you lose your beloved wife.

FEEDBACK Regarding the dragon breath boyfriend (May 15):

Reader – “I read your advice every day and think you’re doing a great job. (Lisi – Thank you!) I have some advice for the boyfriend with bad breath. He should use a toothpick and clean leftover food between his teeth. Just brushing and rinsing are not enough. Flossing would help him as well, and the girlfriend will be happy with the results.”

Reader #2 – “I too developed such breath in my early 30s for no reason that I could fathom.  Then I discovered, thanks to a friend's suggestion, lactose intolerance.  When I gave up cow’s milk and cheese (which I loved and ate often), the breath issue disappeared.  That might help this guy.”

Lisi – Interesting about the lactose. Have you switched to lactose free milk and cheese? Is your breath better without any dairy, or without lactose? I’d love to know.