A bunch of girls got together recently to celebrate one of our group’s 35th birthday. There were eight of us and we had a wild night. By the time we were at the club, we were all very drunk.
The birthday girl is recently married so we called her husband, and he came to pick her up. He agreed to take her cousin and another friend. Our smaller group ended up in a booth with a group of guys.
The flirting commenced; two more women left. That left three “couples.” The rest of the night was a blur, but I woke up in my bed, alone. My roommate, also one of the women in our group, was in her bed with the guy she’d been flirting with.
And in the kitchen, making coffee and scrambled eggs on toast was the guy I’d been flirting with. He was worried about me when I fell asleep in the taxi, so slept on the couch after my roommate put me to bed.
That and everything else has me swooning. The problem? He’s eight years younger than me. I’m a few years younger than the birthday girl but I’m ready to find Mr. Husband and Baby Daddy and settle down. This guy isn’t him.
What do I do?
Cradle Robber
You let him know right away where you’re at in your head, and your life cycle. How do you know he’s not the one? Let’s say you’re 32 and he’s 24. Many men get married at that age and start families. It’s not as though he’s a teenager!
If you’re open and honest with him from this minute, there’s nothing wrong with your age difference. At 32, and with a strong desire to make babies, your timeline might condense his, but if he’s up for it, it shouldn’t matter.
However, be prepared that he may just as easily run and not look back. And in all fairness, that’s OK. At 24, he may have just finished university; he may not know what he wants to do with his life; he may be leaving on a six-month trip around the world. Who knows?
You asked what you should do and my answer is simple: talk to this person and figure out if you want the same things before embarking on a relationship of any kind.
I work a niche job for an “absentee” boss. I run errands, answer mail, chauffeur the family; whatever is needed, I do it. The job is low maintenance, pays extremely well, and I have a lot of flexible time off. The issue is my co-worker 'Chris'. We have essentially the same role, but for the past few months Chris has been slacking off BIG TIME, and it's beginning to stress me out because our boss has noticed that things aren't running as smoothly as before. I have dug us out of a hole several times covering for Chris' screw-ups, and I don't want to do it anymore.
I've tried addressing my concerns with Chris directly, but this hasn't got me anywhere. If I raise it with the boss, we will both get reprimanded, and things won't be the same. But I can't afford to get fired, I love this job, and it's unlikely that I'll find one that gives me as much job satisfaction.
I’m fed up. What should I do?
Job Sitch
You talk to Chris one last time and explain that if they don’t step up, you’ll have no choice but to tell the boss. Give Chris a deadline to shape up or come clean.
If it works, Chris will either have straightened up or have been honest with the boss. If not, you’ll have to take the risk and speak to the boss yourself.
FEEDBACK Regarding the neighbours’ sport court (Aug. 13):
Reader – “Check the bylaws in their municipality to confirm new sport court is fully compliant. If not, make an anonymous complaint to the enforcement department. Where I live, neighbours would have needed to openly agree to formal permit.
“Maybe it’s time to also start distancing themselves from these neighbours.”
FEEDBACK Regarding losing it (Aug. 13):
Reader – “While some people never ‘get over’ accident trauma, this poor man has been suffering for over a decade. He needs help, at the very least to figure out how to move forward with his life. Ten years is too long to be mired in this kind of pain. His physical and emotional trauma will always hurt. But we are lucky to get eight decades of life ourselves. The man needs therapy to carry on.”
Anonymous (carrying my own load, as are we all)