My boyfriend of ten years proposed twice during our first year together and nothing happened. His family has caused problems, which resulted in me having to stay "hidden" for four years. When I'd met his parents, an incident ensued whereby they told him not to see me anymore, so he says.

I've not seen them since; he's kept the relationship a secret. This is fine, but when I stay with him, he's afraid his parents will visit and find me here.

It happened this weekend. While we were away, his father delivered some items here. My boyfriend got upset that his father had been there unannounced, and said I'll have to find a place to live because he's too old to be living in secret.

I'm fed up that he doesn't stand up for me or for his life. He already lost one serious girlfriend before me, due to issues with his parents. He's in his 40s.

I can't move immediately because I'm unemployed and had to move here suddenly.

What should I do? I love him. I believe he loves me. He's pulled me out of a crisis without any complaints whatsoever. We're compatible and have helped each other through tough situations.

Shaken Up

He can handle other crises and difficulties but not any that involve his parents. So you're facing a bigger decision than moving to some secret locale:

How long can you love man who'd keep you "in hiding" indefinitely? And what would that relationship be like.... with him afraid of his parents, bowing to their opinions, and treating you like a second-class citizen in his life?

Sorry, but he either stands up for you, or he helps move you out not for his scared-son reasons, but so you can make a life for yourself. He's kept you in limbo far too long.

The most wonderful man and I (together seven months) are in love and perfect. However, I don't like his child.

His son, nine, is rude, bossy, and he and his ex-wife don't discipline him. I can barely stand to be around the boy.

He has his kid one week on and one week off. We can't move in together because I don't want to be around his son that much, nor do I want my own kind, sweet, four-year-old to be ridiculed or bossed around.

I'm thinking to live separately till his kid grows up. I don't feel it's my place to correct his child's behavior and I'm also afraid it'll damage my emerging relationship with his son.

My boyfriend knows his kid isn't the nicest, but is wussy about discipline. His mother lets him do anything. He enjoys hurting people's feelings, especially his father's. He's not a nice person.

My kid loves this man and we have a great dynamic. If his child weren't in the picture, we'd get married.

Wannabe Wife

His child IS in the picture and will be for years. Your relationship will go from "perfect" to troubled, unless you two can mutually agree how to handle a relationship that includes his child.

Living separately is fine, if you can manage it for a very long time. However, an undisciplined, bossy, rude child will bring many problems to his father, with school and all his relationships.

If you want a life together, convince him to face reality: Get counselling together on how to help the boy socialize and learn boundaries. Accept that the mother will have to participate in some discussions, too.

I'm home for the summer from school, and starting to hate my dad. He's been on a negative slide for a long time, but now I can't ignore it. He's disrespectful to my mom - ignoring her, acting like it's a chore to talk to her. He constantly rants about everything.

I used to look up to him, but the longer this goes on the more I find I'm looking at him, and men in general, as a-holes. What do I do?

Hating This

Your dad has problems and frustrations... whether marital, emotional, psychological or health-related I can't know, and neither do you.

Avoid his rants rather than argue. Ask your mom if she's considered getting someone he respects to suggest he see a doctor, in case some medical change is driving his behaviour.

But don't judge men by his negative example. Your dad's reacting to a specific situation, which time will eventually reveal.