A friend that I became close with through other friends is difficult to spend time with.
We’re both single, and our other friends are married, so we’ve done many things together.
I’ve tried hard to accept the good side of our friendship. But she’s so negative about everything in her life, I get stomach pains and headaches from her conversations.
If we order the same thing in a restaurant, she says that I got a bigger portion, more sauce, or a better piece.
Even her relationships with her family members are also negative. And she has only our other two mutual friends.
I’m a positive person, I love meeting people, going to new places, eating new foods in new restaurants.
How do I tell her that the common negative element in her issues is her?
Or, do I accept that this is who she is and continue to see her when our mutual group gets together, but forget about just us two going out together?
End the pain. You don’t owe another person your free time if it continually becomes tense and difficult for you to endure.
Get “busy” and engage your own positive personality, by joining a meetup.com group geared to your interests, or find other community activities, local events, work-shops, etc., where you can meet new people.
IF she asks you directly, as a friend, to explain why you’ve become more distant, tell her straight up that you see your life positively.
Explain that it means you keep an open mind about people, places, even food service.
Say that by contrast, you always hear critical comment and negatives from her, and it’s not enjoyable or relaxing for you.
However, if she doesn’t ask you, it’s presumptuous to tell her what you think is “wrong” with her.
My brother’s a wonderful person but has some serious issues when it comes to dating.
I’m married and our mutual friend’s getting married. For a month, my brother’s been dreading this event and hounding me over how depressed he is, being late-30s and single.
He’s bringing me down along with him.
He’s gone on several dates with several different women and some have told him that they’d like to be with him.
But he always finds something wrong with them.
He feels like there isn't a spark, the girl isn't pretty enough, isn't smart enough, isn't good enough overall for him.
I just want him to give these people a chance.
I don't know how to tell him to look beyond physical attractiveness and allow feelings to grow with time.
When I was single and debated if I should start dating, he told me that I should, and give people a chance. Yet he won't do the same.
I want him to be happy and I don't know how to support him though this wedding.
In this case, you are not your brother’s keeper. He’s single because he’s chosen to be.
You can point out that he was once helpful to you with advice, yet he doesn’t give women “a chance.”
You can say that he’s superficial in his focus on a woman’s appearance, and that sometimes chemistry develops over time.
But you can’t change his single status by wishing.
Your brother’s using you to vent about something only he can change.
Stop listening. It’s his life, his problem. Go to the wedding with your husband and good wishes for the bride and groom.
When my daughter was born, my mother was extremely helpful. Then, she became jealous when my daughter spends time with my friends or in-laws.
She’ll insult my parenting decisions and tell family members. Around birthdays and holidays, she becomes extremely negative, which makes guests uncomfortable.
Recently, she told them not to babysit because I'm “just using them."
It's extremely hurtful and impacting our relationship. She’s the type who’s never wrong. Confronting her usually goes nowhere.
My daughter's birthday’s approaching. After the last event, my mother complained for weeks to family about how everybody wanted to hold her.
Now, they’re nervous about her attending.
She’s jealous. She bonded with the baby early, then resented everyone else’s closeness with her, even yours.
She’s also self-absorbed, a trait of hers that’s unlikely to be new to you.
Set limits. Tell her if you hear more gossip and trouble-making from her, you’ll not have her around.
Tip of the day:
Unless asked directly, it’s presumptuous to tell people what you think is wrong with them.