Recently I have been noticing a trend that has become quite frustrating for me, which is that married women are not wearing wedding rings. I don’t know how many times I have approached a woman who “seemed” to be showing an interest in me only to be told she’s married or has a partner.

I have recently gotten involved in several recreational and social activities. As a result, I am meeting many nice women. But I’m wary as to how to approach them based on my experience. I basically stick to the confines of the activity, but I’m afraid I’m missing out on forming a relationship with any of them because I’m so jaded by this trend.

I am a senior citizen, divorced, and looking for a relationship with someone to spend the rest of my life with. I don’t want to be alone. What do you suggest?

False Advertising

Don’t give up hope. Also, I’m not sure it’s really a trend…. I think people do what works for them. I know MANY men who NEVER wear their wedding ring. There are multiple reasons why people, male and female, don’t wear jewelry of any kind, mainly rings. Mechanics, hairdressers, surgeons, electricians, baseball players, tennis players, volleyball players all use their hands and could seriously hurt themselves. I’m not saying they can’t or don’t wear rings; I’m just saying if they didn’t, I wouldn’t be surprised.

When you meet someone, at a party, a social activity, or a sport, start chatting about how you came to be there, what you enjoy about the event, etc. Then ask casually, “…are you here with your husband?” It’s a legit question.

The holidays have come and gone, and once again, I have received gifts I don’t need or want. I’m a senior who has downsized and decluttered, prefers living “light” and don’t want to leave a cleanup job for my estate.

One relative and one friend don’t believe I really mean this and continue to inundate me with stuff.  I’ve tried to explain several times in several ways (gentle and very straightforward) what would be much more meaningful for me:  a Zoom or phone call, a snail mail card, meeting for coffee or lunch… to no avail. I hate to admit but I send the stuff to not-for-profits who can make better use of it.

I don’t want to seem ungrateful, and I know they mean well but I’d far rather they do something else with their time and money.

What do you suggest?

Decluttering

I completely understand your predicament. And I understand how frustrating it must be for you that you have made multiple attempts at informing these people that you are NOT interested in their gifts, though you appreciate the sentiment and thought that goes into them.

But here’s the issue: they’re not listening. For whatever reason, it makes them feel good to give you gifts. The gifts may be thoughtful, they may be expensive, you may even use them, if you felt like it – but those people are not doing it for you. This is how they choose to spend their time and money.

Here’s your life lesson (See? Anyone can still learn!): you can’t control other people’s behaviour. You can only control how you respond. It’s after the fact, I realize, but be gracious, say thank you and mean it, and then do what you’re doing, by giving the items to charity. As long as these gift-givers don’t expect you to prove you’re using the items, they’ll be none the wiser.

But don’t let this issue have a negative impact on your relationship with these people. They clearly care – in their own way.

FEEDBACK Regarding the disappointed pedestrian (Sept. 26):

Reader #1 – “The writer needs to understand that there are many cultures out there where smiling at strangers is inappropriate. And that's totally OK.  Diversity is what makes our country amazing.  The same goes for eye contact.  May I suggest the reader not take this personally, but instead, take this as an opportunity to learn about other culture's norms and taboos.”

Reader #2 – “I’d bet dollars to donuts that the non-smiling people encountered by the writer were millennials.  Many, if not most, of this group were brought up by parents who considered their children perfect in every way.  A lot of these kids never had to learn social skills like how to engage in small but meaningful civilities. Instead, they are slaves to their cell phones. Heaven forfend they have to look up from their screens to smile at another human being.”