One year ago I found on the laptop I share with my husband, that he was sending and receiving sex messages on a special email address. He was placing and answering sexually related ads, sending out personal information, and naked pictures of himself.

It broke my heart and I asked him to see a psychiatrist. We also went to couple's counseling and agreed on boundaries of what was acceptable, and not, in our relationship. He was still looking at Internet porn. But he wasn't contacting other people.

Recently, I saw an email with his naked pictures attached. I discovered he'd sent 30 emails in two days, answering ads.

He said he wasn't going to stop. He doesn't think it harms our relationship, even though I consider it cheating. But he insists he never meets these people and has no intentions of doing so. The thrill for him is sending out the emails.

If I can get him to see another sex therapist, do you think he'll stop? It seems he's been doing this throughout our 10-year marriage. If I'd known ahead, I'd never have married him.

We have great sex and I'm not a prude in the bedroom but I'm a private person. He says, get used to it.

Distraught

Tell him you won't get used to it, period. And he has to get used to knowing he's driving you away.

Seeing a sex addiction counselor will only help IF he wants to stop, in order to stay together. As with any addiction, he has to want to change.

If you see no evidence of that over the next six months, prepare yourself for a break-up.

My wife and I have been happily married for 18 years. Recently, during a Thanksgiving dinner with my parents, her brother, his wife, and three young children came over unannounced after a long drive and with their kids melting down.

Instead of noting that we had company, they stayed longer than my parents and eventually ate as well, despite having eaten earlier and with their own home under an hour away. I thought this was very rude.

Now my wife and I are arguing over this, with my children and I thinking they were rude. My wife says this is her house too, and that she welcomes them coming. She's upset at me for thinking that way about her brother.
Do you think I'm being too closed-minded? All I wanted was a quiet relaxing dinner with my family and parents. We had already done a Thanksgiving dinner with my wife's family the night before.

At Odds

Sorry, but I believe you're displaying an odd sense of "family." Especially to your own children. Imagine yourself being turned away by adult children in the future, if they already have their partner's relatives at their table.

Sure, the young ones were unruly and it was unexpected mayhem, but her brother saw your place as a refuge, and your wife was naturally pleased to help out. It should've been a welcoming scene of noisy holiday enjoyment.... but yes, you were closed-minded.

I understand that you'd dined with that side the night before. But you make it sound like a family very divided, with a rigid schedule. Also, your wife didn't invite them, they dropped in, and you could've been more gracious on this one occasion.

(I'd have a different view IF this happened regularly, and you wrote that your family was being taken advantage of often).

FEEDBACK Regarding the topic of "slut-dressing:"   

Reader - "I was sexually assaulted on August 30th, went to the police on September 1, to hopefully press charges. The police officer asked what I was wearing. I had bruises from the encounter. What would it matter what I was wearing? People say that dressing like a slut "invites" sexual predators.

"Anyone who's been the victim of an assault knows they didn't want it. But when a police officer asks that, it's as though it's the victim's fault. I've yet to hear back from the police. I keep fearing I'm going to see my attacker.

"I was wearing blue jeans, sneakers, and a long-sleeve shirt over a tee-shirt over a tank top. Even if I'd told the police I was wearing a skimpy dress, it shouldn't change anything. It was unwanted sexual attention and I got hurt from it, both physically and emotionally."