My son's engagement party is being planned for late fall. It's a large celebration being hosted by my brother, who has a big enough house to handle it.

He's my older brother and has never forgiven my ex for our divorce. However, my ex and I co-operated fully in raising our son, who loves us both, and wants his father at this party as well as at his wedding (which the bride's family is mostly paying for).

My brother never accepted that I eventually came to believe that divorce was the best solution for my ex and me. We'd married too young, were a mismatched couple, and had both been unhappy for years.

(He had an affair with, and married, a work colleague whom I actually came to like, because she was respectful of me and always kind and helpful to my son).

How can I tell my brother that he MUST invite my son's father, and must also not say anything insulting to my ex that ruins the celebration?

Nervous

Your son is the pivotal person here, not you. He's obviously liked by his uncle, and it's his happiness and relationship with his father that matters. He must speak up and state firmly that he wants his father invited, with his wife, and treated civilly.

If he's denied this request, he should tell his uncle that he appreciates his generous offer to be host, but he cannot allow his own father to be left out and/or insulted.

Your son should then cancel your brother's party and re-think with his fiancée where and how they'd prefer to celebrate their engagement.

My fiancee keeps looking in the mirror and saying she needs a face-lift. Since she can't afford one, she tries every new "anti-aging" treatment there is and spends a fortune on them, but is never satisfied. I keep telling her she looks beautiful to me, but she scoffs at this and doesn't believe it (or doesn't think it matters!).

Her 40^th birthday is approaching and she can talk of nothing else but "getting work done" on her face. She's hinting openly that I should pay for this as my gift on what she calls her "most important milestone."

I'm told the price for an experienced plastic surgeon can be around $20,000, which is an amount I can't afford and would never spend. But she keeps talking about somewhere she can get it done "cheap" for $5000 over several payments, which she knows I can afford.

I don't feel she needs a face-lift, but should I just go ahead because she's obsessed about this, and I love her?

Pressured

If you love her, try to save her from herself. A "cheap" face-lift can be a costly nightmare. The person offering it may not be a trained plastic surgeon, and may not even have attended specialized courses for this delicate operation, which can leave permanent damage.

You cannot force her to give up this obsession, but you can urge her to research who are the most experienced and reliable accredited surgeons in this field. You can also tell her how much you love her as she is, and wish she had the confidence to believe in her own natural beauty.

Your birthday gift could be something that symbolizes your appreciation of her ...perhaps a special trip together, or signing up for a fun new activity together like dancing lessons, or "forever" jewellery if that's something she likes.

My son's teacher is young, inexperienced, with no clue about the effects of a clique among her female students - age ten. These four girls socialize after school and on weekends, their parents are also friends.

We mothers of the "excluded" girls feel the teacher should be splitting up the clique for different activities, so our daughters can stop feeling like outsiders and "losers," which they're often called.

Should we talk to the teacher and risk a defensive reaction, or talk to the cliques' mothers who are cliquey themselves?

Sensitive Situation

Make an appointment with the school principal, first.

Together with the other mothers, document any negative behaviour by this clique that your daughters have reported happening in the classroom.

Do NOT blame the teacher. Ask the principal for ideas on how the school can help address this problem, and let him/her bring the teacher into the discussion, as a solution "partner."