My brother and I married women who were sisters. I divorced my wife, and have since re-married; he later divorced my sister-in-law.

He's just informed me that they're getting back together after five years apart.

While we were both "single" again, he played the field widely, and fathered a child with one of his "girlfriends." He's involved financially, though he doesn't see the little girl. He's asked me to keep this a secret from his soon-to-be "wife."

I feel hiding this is wrong and can backfire someday. Also, while divorcing, he told me awful things about this woman he's re-marrying, which are hard for me to forget. I love my brother but I'm worried we'll end up estranged by this re-marriage.

Upset

The "secret" daughter will very likely cause him future grief, but you can't force your brother to speak up, nor do it for him.

Warn him of the likely scenario of the girl's mother resenting his re-marriage and informing his wife about the little girl, and/or going to court seeking more money from him. Also, it's not easy to keep regular payments from a spouse's attention.

He'll be walking a thin line between deception and disaster for years.

As for his nasty comments, forget them. People in the throes of divorcing are angry, bitter, and often say anything to justify the break-up. His stories may not have all been true (you haven't described a fully honest character) and he likely contributed by his own behaviour to any nastiness at the time.

You may well face periods when you differ greatly from your brother on matters of principle. Hopefully, you'll both handle this, by agreeing to disagree.

My longtime friend needed somewhere to stay. She became my tenant for several years, and we became closer friends. She eventually moved out on her own.

I was ill for a while. She was the only one who showed up for support. But when I went off my medications she objected. (The meds had a risk factor. I suffered no effects from withdrawal).

She'd expressed her concerns over my choice in an email to me and several mutual friends, taking it public. I was upset that I'd already addressed these concerns with her.

My e-mail response was worded strongly, but not insulting or accusatory. Now she's blaming me for the whole publicity issue saying it insulted her and our friendship.

For six months, there's been no response to my leaving phone and e-mail messages asking to talk about it. I want to clear up things and move on.

I'd made a past mistake by letting slip that she suffered from a medical condition, diagnosed while we were living together. She hadn't wanted anyone else to know then. She rightfully "tore a strip" off me. I apologized immediately, personally. She accepted it.

But she won't now admit she made a similar mistake.    She's a good friend whom I care about. How do I address this?

Lost Friend

Apologize again for the past, and say how much you value her friendship. Your revelation of her illness was the greater error as it betrayed her confidence. Her email about your medication was a show of concern to people who already knew you were ill.

Stop saying you want to "talk" about it. Just get to the point in your phone messages and emails, that you're very sorry that your response offended her, and you'd like to re-connect because you've both been good, supportive friends for so long.

My aunt, early-80s, has Alzheimer's and I heard she's in failing health. Our relationship was sporadic over the years, because she had an even more in-out relationship with my father. She'd sometimes speak bitterly about him, and I'd distance myself.

She neglected to visit my father when he was suffering the same condition, and was in a nursing home.

She has her own adult children who are involved with her, as I was with my father. Yet I feel some guilt at not seeing her. Am I wrong, at 58, to feel she caused this rift and to remain distant?

Unsure

Yes, you're wrong. Unless there was abuse involved, there are usually several sides and many contributors to the "ups and downs" in families over years.

Your uncertainty reflects that you understand this, and want to rise above it. As a senior family member, you can model grace. Visit your aunt.