My husband gets passive aggressive when he’s stressed. It can even happen when he’s hungry. We’ve been married for ten years so I’ve seen it many times.

But when I tell him he’s hungry, he accuses me of treating him like a child. He’ll storm out, go get a fast food hit, and then come back a couple of hours later as if nothing happened.

But I’m left a wreck from the tension, his outburst, and unfair accusation, when I was trying to calm him.

All this usually occurs right after he’s home from work. So I’m alone with the kids (who are also hungry), their homework, and having dinner alone with them. How do I stop this pattern?

Tired of the Scene

You all need a change from Daddy drama.

It’s unfair to you, a poor behaviour model for the kids, and also unhealthy for him. Instead of handling his stresses, he escapes the family scene, eats less nutritious food, and creates a poor environment between you two as a couple, and in the home.

Try to find a non-confrontational approach, on a weekend day when there’s less stress, to discuss solutions rather than blame and hurt.

For example, since hunger seems to be involved, have healthy snacks accessible after work – good for the kids, too.

Also, discuss timing of his return home. If he’s commuting through heavy, frustrating traffic, perhaps he should come home a half-hour or so later (and have that healthy snack first, e.g. an apple with cheese and crackers).

I was always close with my two sons, but now one of them is about to get married, and after he and his fiancée moved, he refused to provide me with their new address.

This is not like him and I have no idea why it’s happened.

This has tormented me since the move (about three months ago). Now with their wedding coming up, I cannot fathom how I can enjoy the day with all this hurt and animosity in my heart.

Distraught Mother

You cannot know the reasons unless they tell you, and tormenting yourself won’t help, unless you’re privately aware of a discussion or action that offended one or both of them.

A lot of decisions take place prior to a wedding, so it’s possible that something related to who pays for what, or some element of the wedding such as numbers of guests, etc., ticked off someone.

If the bride-to-be got riled up about something, your son might’ve been put in the position where he had to support her.

Meanwhile, your other son might be able to learn what’s going on. Don’t pressure him, but do say that if he knows, and if there’s any way you, or you and he together, can turn this around, it’d help keep harmony in the family for everyone.

Be prepared that you might hear something about yourself that’s hurtful, or feels unfair, or simply wrong. If so, and if you want to re-establish a relationship, you may have to apologize for something that you did unwittingly, or re-make a decision that’s upset them.

Hopefully, as time passes, the sensitivities around the wedding will ease and your son may re-connect on his own. If he does, don’t just blame his bride, or her parents, or carry a grudge. Families that stay together over many years do so through people making compromises, backing off arguments, showing compassion for others’ feelings, and putting various grievances behind them.

My apartment neighbour’s an attractive young woman living alone. When we moved here, she knocked on the door with a plate of homemade cookies. Naturally, we invited her inside to chat.

Now, whenever she sees us in the lobby or on the elevator, she makes it obvious she wants to come in for a coffee.

She makes me uncomfortable because her manner with my husband is somewhat flirty (he’s 15 years older than she is, but still flattered by it), and she always mentions how hard it is to be single.

Jealous or Overreacting?

Let’s go with watchful, instead of jealous. It’s a natural reaction when someone’s flirty with your mate. She may be lonely, a complainer, or just very friendly. But she needs to know there are boundaries with a married couple.

Be “too busy” for coffee, frequently enough. Be sure your husband understands that she shouldn’t visit when you’re not at home.