I just moved in with my boyfriend after dating three years... I love him and his family. Our issues are nothing we can’t handle. 

He’s turned 180 degrees from who he use to be. Now, he’s said he talked to an old friend in Classmate.com.

I’m confused why he’d want to go to this site. He said it was to talk about old times and get in touch with “old friends.” I saw RED.

We had a huge argument. What’s wrong with me?

- NO Computer Talking

You’re insecure, and watching this guy like a hawk… which is not a healthy way to start a living-together phase of your relationship. 

This set-up is new for him, and also “news” – life changes naturally sparked a desire to connect with old friends, chat about what’s going on in each other’s lives, etc. But I’m betting you’re the one who pushed him to be “180 degrees different” and that may be part of the subconscious reason he needs to remember the good parts of who he was – including old friends.

Sure, he may’ve needed to adapt and make compromises for this relationship, but if your attitude is all about how much he must be a changed man, with you at the controls, it’s not going to work.

Back off. Ask about his old pals; show interest, not judgment.

My two sons’ wives had a disagreement several years ago when the younger couple were getting married (something about the bridal party), now the older couple act very hard on them. 

Both sides are at fault, different times.

Are mothers-in-law always to keep mum?

- Family Strife

Lead by example rather than try to be judge and jury. Listen to each side respectfully, but always respond that families give each other needed strength through support, and forgiveness; while grudges are destructive to everyone involved.

My husband has always been fairly negative and self-centered, but he’s gotten worse or I’m reaching a breaking point. He over-reacts to ordinary things, alienating our friends and my family, but thinks if he’s not yelling (he just gets very rude), he hasn’t done anything wrong and others over-react. 

He has trouble accepting that other people might feel differently from him, and have the right to do so. I think much of it stems from anxiety.

The man I married is still there--he can be very kind to people, he loves our daughter and is very involved with her, he’s funny, creative and moral--but I’m terribly worn down by the negativity.

Shouldn’t a marriage be, overall, a source of strength and nourishment?

- Exhausted

It’s the people in a marriage who need to try to be strong and nourishing. When one partner is negative, the other can try to find out why, show compassion if the source comes from past hurts, suggest getting help together or individually, or accept this is who he/she is. 

You’re no longer accepting, he’s getting worse, and it’s time to try something different from before.

Instead of blaming him, look to his “anxiety:” Does he have good reasons for it? Can it be addressed without attacking his entire personality? Is there something external to your marriage – elderly parents, finances, health matters, etc. – that you two can tackle as a team, instead of from polarized views.

If nothing changes, see a therapist yourself to consider why you’ve gotten to “the breaking point,” and what options you can handle.

We went out with friends, meeting them at 6:30 p.m. By 9:30 p.m. my husband and I were ready to leave. 

We weren’t sure if we must wait till the hosts says they’re leaving, or if we can say what a lovely evening it’s been and rise to go.

- Uncertain

Now, when so many people are overwhelmed with workload, Christmas preparations, PLUS social occasions, it’s wise to ponder ahead how to manage your time and energies.

Scan your calendar before accepting every invitation or plan; consider the next day’s demands.

If you recognize that you can’t be up too late that night, alert your hosts when you accept. Once out, give some notice – perhaps a half-hour ahead – saying that you and hubby feel you’ll have to leave soon.

However, if your host has gone to huge efforts and you’re the only guests, expect to be talked into staying longer.