My ex and I, best friends since high school, had a romance soon after we met. 

Eight months later she was pregnant with my son, now 4. We broke up before his birth and remained intimate awhile.

I then moved away to make money to support him. I returned after 18 months to participate in his life.

She had a boyfriend yet said she still loved me but is scared to try again because of the potential effects on our son.

She’s now single, I still love her but she ignores every pass I make.

- Dad at Distance

This is no longer a high-school drama, so start talking sense together. 

You have a child for whom you’re both responsible.

You claim to love each other. The potential “effect” on your son, for better or worse, is the same risk every couple takes. But having mutual feelings AND a child to raise is strong reason to try.

Tell her it’s no more beneficial to him for her to bring various boyfriends (especially ones she doesn’t love) into the youngster’s life. Consider professional couples’ counselling to help you both work at the mature job of being a family.

My daughter, 19, moved in with her boyfriend, 23. 

Recently, she called me in the middle of the night - he was yelling at her and verbally abusive. I brought her home, she returned two days later.

Next, he hit her in the face and threw her around. Charges were laid, she moved back home.

Now she’s returning to work where he’s the manager and moving back in with him.

His parents downplay all this. How do I handle it?

- Scared Mom

Tell your daughter she’s risking her safety, possibly her life, by showing this guy that she’ll take whatever he throws at her. 

Talk to local police to ask about the consequences of repeat charges for physical abuse, and ask if they can issue a strong warning (report it to his parents).

Meantime, take your daughter to visit an abused women’s shelter, where she can talk to a counsellor, and meet women who’ve suffered violent assaults.

Also, ask the agency for direction to getting therapy for her about her low self-esteem.

I’m 20, with a great boyfriend, but can’t get over my first love, though it’s been two years. 

He say’s he’s gone on with his life, even claimed that he was getting married but then said that he was just playing.

So why did he email me and visit my house when he was in town from college?

I think he’s still in love with me. He blames me for our break up, but he had his exes’ numbers in his phone and was still talking to them behind my back.

He went away to school and decided that the relationship wasn’t working for him.

Now I can’t trust nor love my new boyfriend just as much as I loved the last.

- Confused and Unhappy

Get a grip on your imagination, and deal with what’s really happening. You didn’t trust your ex because he remained friends with past girlfriends. Now, you’re acting in a similar fashion, leading the new guy on yet pining for the last one. 

If you still want to be with your ex, tell him so, and see if you can come to new agreements on his friendships. If not, forget him and deal fairly with your current boyfriend.

A friend of 15 years insists we part ways. She’s a loving, giving person who’s extreme with her emotions. 

Frequently, I’ve been uncomfortable because of her anger but said nothing.

Recently, I said I was glad things were going well for her because her last visit was uncomfortable.

She wrote me: If I can’t accept all of her emotions, then I’m judging her and not a trusted friend.

I never wanted to hurt her, but her anger drains me.

- Sad

It’s a relationship that needed some distance. You were walking on eggshells, frequently not enjoying her company, and afraid to comment. 

She proved your fears correct. Time apart will prove whether the friendship bond has been stretched too thin, or you both miss the connection and can negotiate some occasional get-togethers without going into heavy discussion.

Send her a card for special occasions, to show you still wish her well.