I’m in a long-distance friendship, which could become a relationship; she’s in Russia, I’m in North America. 

Initially, I hadn’t wanted anything but an occasional email friendship with someone in another country, and the idea of visiting each other’s country. But lately the emails are regular and moving towards her wanting a relationship, which I’m not totally against.

I’m aware of possible scams out there, but I’m curious as to the legal requirements and responsibilities if she became more than a friend.

She’d be coming as a tourist to see the country during her holiday.

- Wondering

Scams that trade on love-for-immigration usually start with flattery and heightened interest from the person whose goal is to move permanently. 

Note that she’s the one building desire (pressure), and you’re the one thinking about “responsibilities.” For her to visit as a tourist, the task of getting a visitor visa is hers.

For now, a “friendship” visit is all you should be thinking about, until you know a great deal more about her. If feelings deepen, you’d do well to visit her in Russia and see what kind of life, family, and circumstances she’d be so willing to leave behind. And whether those factors are a major influence on her increasing interest in you.

Proceed very cautiously, and get very well informed on government policies about what would be expected of you in terms of financial commitment and its duration, if you wanted to sponsor her as an immigrant; see Citizenship and Immigration Canada at www.cic.gc.ca

Months before our wedding, a close friend across the country promised she’d come with a guest. 

Last minute: She said her new boss wouldn’t give her time off, and it “might” be difficult to fly out on Saturday.

I offered to let her say with us to eliminate hotel costs. She said she’d try, but that flights would be expensive.

She didn’t show. I’m annoyed. We paid for her and her guest’s spots.

She knew about the wedding before she got hired, and didn’t negotiate time off or cancel further in advance.

She sent a gift and an apology, but I’m hurt. She missed an important day that I spent a lot of time and energy planning.

- Baffled Bride

Get over it. Close friendships are worth salvaging, and she did her part by sending a gift and apology. 

You can’t judge her job security or her finances at such a distance.

You spent the time and energy on your wedding for your own sake, not hers.

My brother-in-law has gone from a great guy and active businessman man to an almost-unemployed alcoholic.  

He had a rough childhood, but has been married for many years, has a supportive wife, almost-grown children and a supportive extended family.

Now his behaviour and his conversation have caused embarrassment and grief to family and friends.

His children are taking it extremely badly, watching him change.

He’s had his driver’s license cancelled.

He’s been (reluctantly) to personal counselling, marriage counselling, AA, outpatient treatment, and has signed himself out of inpatient treatment.

Is there anything else that can be done?

Everyone around him is starting to give up.

- Distraught

Don’t join those who’re giving up on him. Stay in contact, so that you at least know where he is. 

Encourage his children to do the same. Their turning away will only worsen the legacy they’re left with – disappointment in parents can lead to depression and their own escape from reality through drink or other means.

My mother passed away recently, so my boyfriend and I moved in with my father to help out. It strained our relationship; we also had money problems and I just got laid off.

The pressure got to him. He recently left me and my daughter, age 7. He hasn’t spoken to me since.

He’s about to lose his shirt, and blames me for moving in here.

He won’t let me get near him to help him.

- What To Do?

You’re both dealing with serious problems and a break may be best. 

Though it feels like he deserted you, he also feels let down when he needed you, even though you were naturally caught up in grieving and helping Dad.

Let things settle awhile, try to find a job, and think about what you want for yourself and daughter for the future, before trying to reach out again to him.