My five close friends have same-age kids playing sports together and our husbands coach. 

Last year, the husband of Friend A committed suicide. Months later, at a party with everyone drinking, Friend B’s husband and A made out. (Her husband still acts like a frat boy, though we’re all 40). Friend A confessed to B, who forgave her, but B and her husband decided to work on their problems.

Recently, A told me and Friend C that the “frat boy” came over twice and they slept together. Now C and I have this awful secret - if we tell B, we lose A (and our kids lose their best friends). Our group will break up. If we don’t tell, we feel guilty.

Friend A is a hardworking single mother who has a lot on her shoulders. She says she’s done with the guy, yet has no remorse. I want to save our friendships in this little town.

- Muddle In Ohio

The only person you and C can talk to about this, with no further damage, is Friend A. Tell her you’ll keep her secret out of respect for everyone concerned, but that you trust she’ll never again look to any of the group’s spouses for sex, or attention. 

Say that while you understand her needs for comfort and male attention, risking trouble in her circle of support will end up leaving her isolated.

Suggest ways of meeting new men who are available.

Be aware that the “frat boy” takes his own risks and his wife either knows or doesn’t want to know… especially not from everyone she’d need if they eventually separate.

Keep the secret.

My mother abused my older sister and I emotionally and physically in our childhood. She’s always been critical; my self-esteem was below low. 

I ran away from her home at 13 and never returned. I worked hard to gain self-confidence and am working at what I love, I married my high-school sweetheart and we have a beautiful son.

Recently, at his first birthday party, to which we’d invited influential people, she showed up very late. When I pulled her aside, upset, she stormed out, causing a scene. Now she’s no longer speaking to me, claiming this was all my fault and I embarrassed her.

If she’s going to continue to act this way, I don’t know if it’s wise for my son’s sake and mine, to have her around.

Should I leave her on her own, though I really want her in my life?

- Torn

You’re the one who can more easily change, because: 1) You want to create a healthy model for your son of extended family life, (even when there are challenges); and 2) You can make a fresh start in this relationship, as a mother yourself. 

You DID embarrass her, for being late, when it would’ve been far less noticeable if you’d just welcomed her.

You raise high expectations for dealing with each other, though you’ve lived apart for years, and had tense times together. Use your self-confidence to fit her into your life slowly, and when you can handle it – e.g. a casual take-out meal, or a simple family outing, but not an emotion-laden event. Show her acceptance and let her learn from you. Your son will be most influenced by his parents, and secondarily, by the people you have around him most often. Your mother should be a “sometime” presence.

My very good friend had been trying to conceive for several years; my husband and I were also trying, and are now pregnant.  

When told my news, my friend seemed happy for us but never asked questions or inquired how I was feeling. I understand what she must’ve been going though, but it bothered me.

Finally, she’s pregnant. I’m happy for her, however I feel hurt that she’s talking about her pregnancy, when she disregarded mine.

Should I tell her I feel hurt or move on?

- One-Sided

Focus on positive things, like having a friend with whom to share the new experiences of pregnancy and motherhood, and soon having similar-aged children to play together. You were the lucky one, first, and would’ve hated to be in her position if the timing were reversed. 

It was a sensitive period for both of you, but you’re past it. Leave it that way.