My son, 31, and his fiancée are financially well off (earning $100,000-plus each).
My husband and I have been in this country for 20 years, and brought up two children on a limited budget. My husband’s now retired.
My son asked if we’ll contribute to their August wedding expenses.
I was so shocked. He argued that, we paid for most of our daughter’s wedding, last year. This was because our son-in-law was from out-of-country, he had only 10 guests, and our daughter earned $25,000 that year. We’re still paying for that wedding. My son’s wedding involves 100 guests from the bride’s side, 80 of my son’s friends, and less than 10 from my family.
His fiancée’s parents are contributing $25,000 - the bride’s side usually spends more.
My son cannot get past my refusal to contribute, and now questions us whenever we spend anything he perceives as “extravagant” (we were planning a holiday abroad which finally was cancelled).
My son has never helped us financially, emotionally or physically.
They’ve made it clear that since we’re not contributing our opinion about any wedding details won’t be considered. Our relations are now strained.
Am I wrong to not chip in?
- Wedding Woes
There’s time to salvage this relationship before August, so make that your main effort, rather than comparing numbers.
There are joys to share ahead… your son’s success, future grandchildren, etc. This is not just about money.
More likely, your son is embarrassed before his in-laws; your blanket refusal to contribute, was simply too harsh, and showed no interest in participating. Whatever the trip abroad would’ve cost, say $2,500, would’ve been a goodwill gesture, especially if given with heartfelt happiness for him and the couple.
Despite your restricted funds, you DID manage to make a wedding for your daughter. Had you been broke, she could’ve married even more simply.
You only have two children, and your son feels he’s less important to you. Though he earns well, he needs some show of your pride and support.
Make amends, and offer to at least pay for your own guests (probably about $200 a person, everything included).
I’m a female, 18, in college, and have a lot of friends. Yet at times I feel lonely because I don’t have anybody special. My friends have someone who’s special to them, so their time with me is cut short.
How do I go about meeting someone, since I get very nervous talking to the opposite sex? I can’t find anything to say.
I’m not looking for anyone ideal or with good looks, just someone who’ll find me “special” too.
- On My Own
Building anxiety about finding someone special can create a greater sense of loneliness than is really the case. Some girls accept lower standards when “choosing” a boyfriend, simply to have one.
But you want a person who truly cares for you and for whom you feel the same. So get busy doing things you like – e.g. the gym, a school club, a dance class, where people you meet are doing something in common with you. Practice your conversational skills with your friends… good pals will understand your shyness and will be willing to help you feel more at ease.
Then, when you meet someone, ask questions about how that person enjoyed the class/activity. Most people love talking about themselves so your interest will be appreciated. The more you appear open to others, the more they’ll want to get to know you.
My friend used to really like me. But one day she acted very mean. She swore at me and called me a whore.
I was very mad and called her a bitchy face. Then I confronted her and she acted fake-nice and said don’t worry. I didn’t believe her.
I feel better after venting. I cannot say what I really feel without swearing and being mean.
What should I do?
Focus on yourself, since you’ve wisely recognized that you have a problem handling your own anger. Speak to your parents, or another trusted adult such as a teacher or your family doctor about this.
There are strategies you can learn to help you stay calm when upset, and put rational thought into your responses rather than just exploding with nasty words (which worsen the situation).
Ask for help to learn what’s called “behaviour modification.” It can improve all your relationships.
Tip of the day:
Wedding planning raises many emotions; it’s not a wise time for family standoffs.