I’m the captain of an elite women's sports team; the team is coached by a man, and I find myself falling for him. 

The trouble is I’m living with my partner (though things haven’t been going well) and the coach is married (seemingly happily) with kids.

I have to deal with him a lot and we’ve definitely flirted and discussed the connection between us.

Sometimes I feel I get mixed messages from him – he’s fun and playful - yet he rushes out of training sessions to go home to his family.

I have to see his wife in a broader social circle and she’s expressed concern about the interaction she’s seen between him and me, and we agreed to reduce our interaction. But a few months later I find myself thinking about him non-stop.

What do I do?

I’m fairly sure he'll never leave his wife and kids.

- Distracted

Get back to the bench, take some deep breaths, and stop daydreaming about someone else’s turf. What you’re doing is foolish, risky, and decidedly unsportsmanlike! 

Sure, if you flirt with a guy, he’ll likely respond, but this man has shown evidence – and his wife has been clear – that he’s not for the taking.

You’re seeking an escape from your partner, through hoping the coach will fall for you… and that’s plain cowardly.

Speak up at home, Captain: Either work on the relationship you have, or get out of it. But do this on your own, without dragging someone else in to make it easier for you.

My mom and dad adopted two of their grandkids after having custody of them for four years. 

My dad passed away, so they were entitled to Social Security under his retirement.

Eighteen months later, the grandkids started staying with my sister; these young teenagers have been with her for two years.

She feels that my mom should turn over their money from Social Security as well as the money the kids receive from the Department of Children and Family Services.

My mom disagrees, giving her only the funds from DCFS, plus miscellaneous cash if needed.

What’s a fair share for my sister caring for these teenagers?

- Torn in Chicago

Any monies that were designated for the children’s care, such as that from children’s services, should go to them, so Mom’s correct there. 

As for the Social Security cheques, unless these were designated for the children even after your Dad’s death, your Mom is entitled to them.

Any monies that she can spare to help her daughter out, should be agreed upon in advance, to help your sister predict her budget – keeping in mind that she’s taken on what was her mother’s responsibility, and that raising teens is expensive.

If the situation becomes too difficult/costly for your sister, she should seek legal advice (legal aid may be available for this) about whether she can officially get custody and how that would affect what cheques go to her.

My best friend broke off his engagement and has been drinking heavily. 

He won’t discuss what happened, and won’t listen to friends’ concerns. What should I do?

- Brick Wall

Keep letting him know you’re concerned, but don’t pressure him enough to push you away. Try to introduce something different into his life – suggest joining a gym together, or taking up some new interest. 

Also, recommend counselling.

If nothing works and his drinking increases, get him information about Alcoholics’ Anonymous, and be prepared to be supportive, if and when he crashes.

My husband and I go to Mexico once a year, while our two teen-agers have stayed at Grandma’s. 

She died, so I’ve gotten other family to look after them.

However, I worry about them, wonder if they’ve gotten on the bus okay etc.

My husband enjoys these trips, and it’s nice to be away together, but I’m not as relaxed as I should be.

Suggestions?

- Worrier

So long as your children are comfortable with the caregiver arrangements, and so long as the kids aren’t experiencing emotional stresses at school or in their relationships, the benefits to your marriage should outweigh the anxiety level. 

However, if you’re sensing that this is a bad time for one or both of them to be less supervised, either bring in more resources – say, someone who helps with homework - or try a different routine, such as going off without them at another time.