I’m a university student who took a year off between high school and starting university. I needed to make some money to be able to afford tuition, rent and all other living expenses. So, I started university one year behind my cohort.
Then, after first year, I realized I didn’t like my program and switched programs. Now I’ve just started my third year of university, but I’m in the second year of a new program, and I’m now two years behind my cohort. I live in a house with a bunch of guys in my year at school, which makes them two years younger than me.
The problem is that they just want to party and get drunk. They’re excited to be living off-campus and independently for the first time in their lives. I need to get good grades to maintain my meagre scholarship and keep my job to make up the rest of the money.
How do I manage to get ahead when my housemates are partying all night long?
University Life
I know it’s easier said than done, but you may want to think about moving for next year. You might be better off with just one roommate, or living on your own.
For now, though, you’re going to have to work around them since they have strength in numbers. I’m hoping they have some sense of responsibility and understand that everyone in the house is entitled to a safe and study-conducive home, to some extent. If possible, try having a house meeting. Request one day a week that is a “quiet” night, meaning, no friends, no parties, no loud football games on the communal TV. Figure out which night works best for you and which is your second-best option BEFORE you have the meeting.
Then plan your work and study around that. If you can work nights, do so on the nights you know they like to have friends over. And when you’re not at your job, utilize the libraries on campus. They’re great places to get work done.
I have absolutely no desire to get married, ever. I do, however, enjoy being in a relationship. I am over 40 and have resigned myself to also not having children. I was on the fence for so long that I feel I just kind of fell off and didn’t notice. I think it happened between my two longest relationships. I’m fine with it.
The problem is that when I meet men to whom I’m attracted, they become skeptical when they find out I’ve never been married and have no children. You’d think they’d be all over it, since I don’t have any ex-husbands to contend with, nor children to interfere with our dating. But no, they look at me funny and assume there’s something wrong with me.
If they manage to get past that and we enter a relationship – and this is why my two longest relationships ended – they assume that I will one day “come around” and agree to marry them.
How do I find someone who loves me for me, doesn’t want to get married and doesn’t think I’m nuts for my history?
No ring, please!
Just keep being yourself and stay true to who you are at your core. Is your choice mainstream? Maybe not, but who says mainstream is the way forward anyway? With the divorce rate at 50 per cent, maybe you’re smarter than the rest of us. And if everyone had children, the world would overpopulate faster than it already is.
Keep dating and meeting new people. You’ll find the right person who will love you for you.
FEEDBACK Regarding not the third wheel (July 16):
Reader – “That she’s available all the time suggests she neither works nor goes to school. And that suggests she may be suffering from depression — not necessarily severe but of the kind many young people experience when they have difficulty launching into adulthood, i.e., they can’t find work, can’t move out on their own and they’re losing the companionship of friends who’ve moved on.
“That the mother is bringing her daughter everywhere and defensively spoke about how intelligent she is would support the view that she’s worried her once bright child is depressed and unmotivated. And that the daughter doesn’t participate in their conversations further supports this possibility.
“The friend could try gentle probing, asking the daughter about her current activities and her future plans. But if they both remain unresponsive, she should just cut back on her outings with the mother. It’s very difficult to be helpful to people who are being somewhat secretive.”