My husband and I are both in our early 70s, financially comfortable, living a quiet retirement of golfing, gardening, travelling, and socializing with friends. We never ever talk about money; we don't show pictures of or talk about our successful children and amazing trips and never brag about our professional careers. In short, we don't talk about ourselves. Why? Because no one is interested.

We have noticed that in the last number of years, we are surrounded by family members, friends, and neighbours who are totally self-absorbed and talk incessantly about themselves, their lives, their experiences, their children, etc. We always show interest and ask followup questions. Isn't that what normal polite discourse should be?

Someone once told me that we should just jump in and relate one of our experiences. We tried that on numerous occasions. All we got were blank stares, no questions, no feedback, and no interest. Then the conversation would automatically go back to them.

We understand that we live in a world where it's all about "me" but what we're experiencing has brought that to a whole new level. We believe in being considerate and showing interest in what others have to say, but we’re not receiving the same consideration. We feel hurt, dismissed, and invisible.

Could we be the problem? Are we too sensitive? What do you think?

Invisible

You certainly don’t sound uninteresting to me! You’ve obviously done a lot of things right, if you’re living a comfortable retirement with no financial stress. I’m sure you have a lot to say and wonderful stories to share.

Yes, polite discourse is like a game of tennis: one person throws out the topic, then the other person replies accordingly, and the conversation moves back and forth. You’re not playing incorrectly; they are.

You said you’re socializing with friends, but then mentioned your friends are self-absorbed. If you have friends who are truly interested in you and sharing your lives, stick with them and don’t socialize with the others. If those same friends are the ones who are uninterested, it may be time to find new friends.

You and your husband have a lot to share and a lot to give. At 70, you’re still very vibrant and have lots of life to live. Do what makes you happy. Find new friends in those activities and on your travels. And enjoy your life on your terms. Walk away from those who don’t seem to care about you.

My boyfriend and I are the biggest procrastinators, and it causes problems, both in our relationship and with our friends. We’re both so easygoing that nothing seems urgent, even though most things in life have a time stamp.

For example, we planned with three other couples to go on a camping trip. One guy reserved the sites for us and his girlfriend organized the canoes and tents. Everyone booked their time off work. We have a group chat all about it, as in, who’s responsible for meals, etc.

The problem? Both my boyfriend and I forgot to ask for the days off work and now we’re unsure we’re going to get them. I probably will; he may not. Our friends are unimpressed. What do we do?

Procrastinators

CHANGE YOUR WAYS! You may need some executive functioning counselling to teach you (and your brain) how to move on something when first presented.

Some people make decisions easily, without overthinking, and lean into their decision. Others overthink, weigh the pros and cons, and waver throughout the process. Still others just avoid making the decision altogether. But then they suffer the consequences, as you and your boyfriend are doing.

Procrastination is one of the more obvious symptoms of ADHD. You and he may want to get tested.

FEEDBACK Regarding high functioning autistic son-in-law (March 27; May 28):

Reader – “Isn’t it time to recognize that autism is neither a mental illness nor a chosen behaviour, but a brain disease, and/or, the result of a brain that is organized differently? And the more we learn about mental illness, they too appear to be brain diseases, not a reflection of personal flaws or weaknesses.

“Once we understand that, maybe we can start to treat people with these brain diseases more humanely, as we do those with dementia.”

Reader #2 – “Autism is not a mental illness. It is a neurodevelopmental disorder. Mental illnesses generally include mood, personality, and psychotic disorders, and they often develop later in life due to factors such as trauma, stress, or changes in brain chemistry. (Think schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, etc.) Autism, by contrast, is present from early development and fundamentally shapes how a person experiences and interacts with the world.”