My friend recently invited me to her cottage as she does every year. It’s not far from the city, so I often just go for the day. I usually go two to three times a summer, depending on multiple factors.
Last week she invited me to come on a Wednesday. I was a little surprised since it’s smack in the middle of the week and I work. Normally, I’ll go up on a Monday or a Thursday and “work from home” that day. But a Wednesday? I belaboured over it for a week or so, and then once I had figured out my plan, I leaned in.
The day before I was to go up, I hadn’t heard from her, which I normally do. And the day of, I heard nothing. So, I figured the plan had changed and went into the office. She then called me around noon wondering where I was! Should I be offended by all this?
Last Chance Lance
You can choose to be offended but I don’t think that’s a great way to continue a years’ long friendship. Your friend obviously enjoys your company, or she wouldn’t invite you up multiple times a season. Did you say to her at any point that you would prefer any day other than Wednesday for a visit? If not, that’s on you.
I also didn’t hear you mention that you called her the day before or the morning of to confirm. Again, that’s on you. Maybe she was busy.
To keep the peace, I would call her up and apologize for the lack of communication on your part with this most recent scheduled visit. Ask if there are any other days this summer you could spend together and mention that Wednesdays are harder for you than any other day of the week.
I’m sure she’ll appreciate your apology and your candour.
This summer I’ve taken a job at a day camp 70 minutes outside of the city. My grandmother lives about halfway, so I stay with her a couple of nights a week to make my life easier.
I’ve met a nice guy at the camp and we’ve started dating. He stays overnight at the camp because he lives further away and it’s just too much travel.
One day, the rain at camp was overwhelming. At the end of the day when all the campers had left, he noticed that his cabin had flooded, so I invited him to stay with me at my grandmother’s house. She was more than happy to have another visitor.
But while we were eating dinner, he was regaling us with a story in which he used extremely colloquial and foul language, not tempering his words at all out of respect for my grandmother. She was aghast and I was mortified. And then, after dinner, he sat back in his chair and didn’t help me clean up at all.
How does someone go from great to ghastly in one evening? And now what do I do?
Disillusioned
Now you walk away from this very new relationship in which you have no deep investment. Yet. Now will be easier than later. Yes, he’s sweet at camp and you two have fun together. But in the real world, he’s impolite, disrespectful and unhelpful.
Can and do people change? Absolutely! But this young man is showing you how he was raised and it’ll be up to you to push for the change you want. I don’t suggest that’s the best type of relationship to enter into at your age/stage.
Walk away and find someone who’s more your type, with common manners, respectfulness and thoughtfulness.
FEEDBACK Regarding his loss (May 26):
Reader – “In my experience the most beautiful women aren’t necessarily the most physically attractive, especially as one ages. What’s on the inside is far more important and attractive than what’s on the outside.
“He should have unconditionally and unequivocally said YES. No comparisons with anyone, let alone ex-girlfriends.”
FEEDBACK Regarding hubby’s beer belly (May 29):
Reader – “The real problem is that hubby likes to have a couple of beers at night. (Every night? That’s a lot of beer).
Each beer has from 90 to 300+ calories depending on the type. So, it’s not rocket science to conclude that the beer belly comes from the extra calories from all that beer.
“You’re right; our metabolism changes as we age, but I doubt that changing his fitness routines will get rid of the beer belly. Cutting out the drinking might. Even reducing his intake to just one beer might help.”