My brother texts me whenever he wants something. It could be anything from someone’s name he forgets to dinner plans to Christmas holiday scheduling. No matter what it is, no matter how important, I have about three minutes to respond before he starts spam texting me. I’ve tried talking to him about this, but he doesn’t see the problem. He says that if I have time to see his text, then I have time to respond.

I’ve explained that’s not how it works. I could be driving and see his text come in on my screen but I’m on the phone with a patient. Or maybe I see his text pop up but I’m in the middle of making burgers with my hands covered in raw meat.

I’m clearly not going to change him and I’ve accepted that. However, when I do reply, he proceeds to ghost me. There’s never a thank you, an acknowledgment or even a reply to a query I may have posed. Just silence. It’s infuriating!

How do I deal with his hypocrisy?

Ghost Brother

Tell him how you feel. Then decide what will work for you. You could reply to him in one-word texts so he sees how spam texting is annoying. You could only reply by phone so he’s forced to answer your questions. Agree with him that you’ll both respond as quickly as humanly possible, but if it’s not an emergency, do NOT keep texting.

I am a very chatty person. I think out loud. I talk out loud. I comment on TV and movies out loud. I know perfectly well that not everyone can handle me, or at least, not everyone can handle me all the time. I get it. I’m working on myself, seeing a therapist and learning how my actions are annoying to many people, and coming up with helpful ways to change.

My family is obviously very used to me and can handle me all the time because to them, I’m just me. My parents know that I’m in therapy to try to curb my out loud enthusiasm and they’re happy for me, if it’s what I want. They see how this could be helpful for my future.

I confided in my one sister, and she has taken this opportunity to make me feel very, very small. She has now started commenting whenever I do anything the “old” way. And she’s “finally admitting” that she could never handle me and is thrilled that I’m changing. Her words are so hurtful. Why would she want to be so mean? I’m devastated!

Mean Sister

For whatever reason, your sister is jealous. She is NOT displaying generosity of spirit. She is showing you a very ugly side to her personality.

If you feel up to it, try to talk to her. Tell her that you confided in her because you love and trust her and thought she would be supportive of you. Tell her that you never would have thought she would turn on you the way she has. Explain to her that the changes you’re trying to implement are for the betterment of your life; that you are very aware that your “out-loud” way of existing rubs people the wrong way.

Ask her if she could find it in her heart to rethink how she is responding to you. That you would really love her help and support. Then let her marinate in that. I have a feeling she’s just trying to work through her own feelings and just took a wrong turn. I hope for everyone’s sake that she comes to her senses and apologizes to you.

Either way, stay strong on your journey. Good luck!

FEEDBACK Regarding his loss (May 26):

Reader – “Of course, it made me uncomfortable to hear all those negative comments made by the partner, but I couldn’t help but wonder why she continued to ask this man for compliments. Do you think I’m beautiful? He already told her he didn’t which is very sad. And then two years later she does the exact same thing. Did she think the answer would be different?

“Can’t you be happy with who you are and let the relationship work or not and not be dependent on whether this man gives you the compliment you need. This woman also has work to do. Most of us are not beautiful. We might be attractive, we might be aging, whatever. We need to be OK with who we are and not look to a man to make us feel beautiful. I think she needs this man to make her feel beautiful and that’s sadder than anything.”