My daughter isn’t like most kids her age. While all my friends’ children long for the summer months, of freedom and sunshine and time spent outdoors, my daughter wishes school never ended. In fact, she’s decided to take four courses over the next eight weeks, even though only two of them will count toward her high school accreditation.
She wants to be in a classroom, reading a textbook, taking tests, writing essays and learning. She is a very intelligent child and has always loved to read. My husband and I were also quite academic when we were younger, but we balanced our lives with athletics and time in nature.
My concern is that children NEED sunshine, fresh air and movement. She NEEDS to be outdoors, laughing, being silly, enjoying her freedom, but I obviously can’t force anything upon her. What do I do?
Indoor Cat
Depending on her age, you can use your role as a parent to enforce some rules. No screens for an hour before bedtime is a rule; kids may not like it, but it’s for their mental health and promotes better sleep, which is imperative for their overall health. Everyone needs the added vitamin D that the summer sun provides in this part of the world.
It’s great that she wants to stay academically strong, and it’s fine if she’s not an athletic person at this stage of her life (or ever). But it’s your job as her parent to teach her about balance, and to push her out of her comfort zone, especially if it’s better for her physical and mental health.
Set up some schedules and rules. For example, four courses mean too much screen time. Every eye doctor will tell you that children need to take screen breaks for eye health. Insist she drop one of her extra courses (if not both) and enrol in some type of outdoor activity. Yoga in the park, sailing through the city camps program, walking the dog along the beach boardwalk – all can be non-strenuous, nonathletic outdoor activities, where she can still get the benefits of sunshine and fresh air.
A few years ago, I bought a cottage. I’ve wanted to own a cottage ever since I was a teenager, and I was finally able to afford one. I had been watching the market since before COVID and knew it was out of my reach. When I suddenly found myself with the financial possibility, I was fortunate enough to be at the right place at the right time, when the cottage market took a downturn.
It’s my happy place. I long for the May long weekend when I can put my boats in the water (nothing fancy, just canoes, kayaks, SUPs), my chairs on the deck, and my feet up listening to the loons. Unfortunately, my wife hates it. She hates the bugs, hates the quiet and hates the constant packing up.
Last summer she tied up her social calendar so much that she could purposefully barely make it up there. This caused a rift all year between us. She started complaining the minute I started to get excited. Now I don’t really want her to come.
Where do we go from here?
Cottage (Dis)Content
You two need to talk. You’re choosing a home and solitude over time with your wife, and she’s choosing her social network over time with you. You’re both choosing a life outside of your marriage.
You two need to compromise your time to spend it together, agree to (happily) spend the summers apart, or get a divorce. The way you’re going now is causing resentment which will eventually lead to divorce anyway.
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