My daughter is unbelievably ungrateful, and I don’t know what to do about it. My son thanks me for everything – driving him to school, dinner, a cold drink when we’re out, even new socks! But my daughter? Nothing.
I took her shopping the other day because she needed new soccer shoes. While we were there, we saw a great shirt on sale, and I offered to get it for her. The store was hectic and we were in a rush, but we managed to leave with the shoes and shirt – but no thank you. I decided to wait out the day and see if she remembered. Nope.
And last week, while running errands, I bought her lunch. Obviously, I’m her parent, I need to feed her. But I didn’t need to get her an expensive poke bowl. And still nothing.
How do I get through to her without sounding like a nag?
Ungrateful
If you have a partner, talk to them about the situation. Tell them how you feel, and hopefully they can make a point of parenting your children, by discussing the importance of gratitude. If your son wonders why this discussion is happening, you can simply say that it’s an important virtue and life lesson. That showing gratitude will ALWAYS be a win.
Hopefully your daughter will hear what you and your partner are saying. But don’t expect change overnight. Teenagers who come across as entitled and ungrateful are often going through a period of adolescence where they are asserting their autonomy. Hopefully, this stage will end soon.
I recently thought of an old friend from elementary and high school. She tried to hit on my fiancé a few days before our wedding, and I have had bitter thoughts about her ever since. Ironically, her wedding gift to us, a set of parfait glasses, broke through the bottom of the box as I opened it, and I did not send her a thank you card. Seemed like an appropriate nonresponse given her actions.
I remember good things about her from when we were friends in our childhood and looked her up on Facebook. I even sent a friendly message; but I have an urge to address her hurtful behaviour. Should I?
Still Stings
No, I don’t think you should. But I also wouldn’t have suggested you send a nice note on Facebook. This woman tried to get your fiancé to be sexually intimate with her days before your wedding! Why on earth would you want anything to do with her ever again?
She has proven to be disloyal and untrustworthy. What is a friend if not someone you know you can trust and who has your back? This woman wants your husband’s front!
Keep your fond childhood memories as they were and find new adult friends. This friendship didn’t age well.
FEEDBACK Regarding protective paws (April 28):
Reader – “A new baby requires a reset to all previous relationships, and that includes with pets. In some respects, it requires stepping back and resetting. Some people don’t understand the depths of some animals’ connection with their human hosts, and animals are affected by change, particularly with such a monumental shift as a new baby. The mother-in-law made an easy ‘mistake’ thinking that everything is the same. It’s not.
“The cat is already demonstrating protective behaviour and that’s a good thing. It needs to be directed appropriately and not punished. Cat behaviourists can be hired.”
FEEDBACK Regarding boring (April 24):
Reader – “I'm 72 and sometimes I am quite puzzled by these ridiculous complaints by people asking advice. Leave the guy alone! Some people are just quiet and introverted.”
Reader #2 – “As a great nontalker myself I must stand up in his defence. I cannot do more than speculate, but: A lot of great talkers can talk easily because they have nothing to say. They babble on for hours about sports, or their favourite TV dramas, and assume the rest of the world is interested. We're not.
“Apparently, it's OK to binge-watch baseball or NFL football for hours without a break, but if I want to go read a book, I'm the weird one. Maybe this man likes taking a walk. Maybe he likes science, or nature or fine arts or auto mechanics, just not something that is commonplace.
“Also, did he have absent parents? Did his family move too often? No opportunities for adequate socialization, which means you don't ‘get’ other people? No experience interacting while growing up, so you don't learn the conversational cues you need to jump in with an opinion?”