Recently, I bumped into a woman I haven’t seen in many years. We were catching up, asking each other about our families, with a focus on our children, which is how we initially met. She then asked me a question that caught me off guard. She asked me with which of my children was I closest.

I threw away a, “Oh, we’re all close” line and excused myself. But that question has stuck in my head, going around and around for several days now. The truth is, I am much closer with one of my children and everyone in my family, immediate and extended, knows it. We are like two peas. We look alike, sound alike, have similar interests, dress alike and enjoy spending time together over anyone else.

That’s not to say I like my other children less; I love them beyond. We just don’t have as much in common.

Am I a bad mother?

Perfect parent

Simply based on this information, no, you are not a bad mother. Every human has specific personality traits, likes and dislikes, independent ideas regarding fashion, style, music, etc. Your children tend to have similar likes and dislikes based on nurture. For example, if you like spicy foods and cooked spicy foods for your children growing up, they would probably gravitate towards spicy foods on their own. But maybe not.

My point is, it’s not that surprising that you have more in common with one child than another. Don’t beat yourself up over it. But perhaps make a conscious effort to spend more time with your other child(ren) and get to know them better. You may find you have more in common than you realized.

My sister and I are very close, and our families are very close. Our children love each other and always ask to spend time together, which we love. Her husband isn’t my favourite person, but he’s a decent guy. My husband was a very decent guy but unfortunately died from an aggressive form of cancer several years ago. My sister and her family rallied around me and my children.

My problem is that one of her kids is going through a strange growth period and has the most annoying voice on the planet. In order to make up for his squeak, he has increased the volume at which he speaks tenfold. So now he’s just loud and squeaky and he gives me a headache.

Obviously, I can’t say to my sister, “Your son’s voice is annoying and gives me a headache” but what can I do? I can’t be around him for very long and I’m always miserable by the time I leave. Twice the headache has turned into a migraine, putting me straight to bed and ruining my night.

I love my nephew, but I can’t take this.

Hormonal Harry

This sounds similar to a question I had recently about a barking dog. Hopefully, as you say, this will be a short-lived moment in time when your nephew is going through this growth spurt. But while he is, the problem is yours to solve, and not for him to change.

Would it be too obvious to wear earplugs when you go over to their house? Could you minimize the amount of time you spend with him just for the next few months without it being too obvious? Could you pre-emptively take some headache meds before going over there?

The last thing you want to do would be to hurt either his feelings or your sister’s.

FEEDBACK Regarding dress code (April 15):

Reader – “Young people generally view themselves as being open-minded and tolerant when it comes to clothing choices — but that is generally true only with respect to their own choices.  And, of course, they generally follow their own teenage dress rules slavishly.

“A friend had to go to a parent-teacher discussion because her six-year-old daughter had been misbehaving.  The six-year-old gave her mother strict instructions as to what she should wear to that interview — not jeans, but the good suit she wore to job and promotion interviews. At six, she knew that clothing choices were meaningful, and she wanted her mother to defend her from a position of authority.

“If this mom showed up at her daughter’s school wearing slippers and dirty, tight sweatpants and a crop top, or in a princess gown with gold stilettos, her daughter would be sputtering some pretty conservative opinions about clothing to her mother!”