I found out my wife was having an affair because she went from what I thought was her normal happy self to a depressed wreck in one week. I was ignorantly very concerned and thought she may be sick or having a nervous breakdown. It got so bad that I suggested we go to the hospital. I picked up the phone to call her mom, and she grabbed the phone from my hand and threw it across the room.

She then yelled at me that I was a stupid moron. I honestly had no idea what was going on until she burst out and told me that she had been having an affair for six months and was planning on leaving me – but he had dumped her. And that’s why she was a mess.

But now she was going to stay with me. I’m at a complete loss for words and feel like I’m walking through mud. What do I do?

Dumped and Cheated

I strongly suggest you think about this situation with the help of an unbiased person, such as a therapist and/or a lawyer. Not knowing that your wife was cheating on you, were you happily married? Do you still love your wife? Would you like to stay married to her, albeit after some good marriage counselling?

If yes to the above few questions, then tell your wife that you are willing to move forward together as long as that includes some deep soul searching and counselling. Be aware, though, that though she was dumped by this guy, she may still realize that she no longer wants to be with you.

If no to any of the above, here’s your exit plan. She cheated, you’re out. Sayonara.

Even if you still love her, you may draw a hard line at cheating and that’s OK too. You have the upper hand in the decision making, but she could overturn your desires.

While at the dentist’s office, my young daughter dropped her new Jellycat, the Pinchsnap crab. I didn’t even realize she had brought it into the office from the car, as we were running late and I was carrying her little brother and holding her hand. When we left the dentist, we went to a store to get a snack and then back to the car.

That’s when she started crying. The baby was now asleep in the car seat, and I couldn’t retrace my steps. So, I sat in the car and called the store. Nothing. Then I called the dentist’s office. Nothing. But while on the phone, I saw another little girl walk by holding the same stuffie. I hung up, got out of my car and tried to talk to the little girl and her dad.

She immediately started to cry, and the dad was unnecessarily rude. He basically said, “I don’t know what you’re talking about and I don’t care.”

I walked away, got back in my car and called the dentist’s office again. I told them what I thought happened, that my daughter dropped the toy and his daughter found it. But I also told them his reaction. They were apologetic but said there was nothing they could do.

Now what?

Jelly Caper

Now you hope your daughter learned a sad lesson on not taking precious things to the dentist, and how to hold on to things that matter. And your lesson is to label EVERYTHING!

Maybe, if you’re lucky, the mom will ask her daughter where she got the toy, recognizing that a) it’s not hers; and b) it’s an expensive hot commodity, and call the dentist’s office.

It would be nice if the dad apologizes, but that probably won’t happen.

FEEDBACK Regarding the curious senior (April 14):

Reader – “I could have written this letter wondering if my memory loss could be a sign of dementia. Sometimes I struggle to come up with the right word – most recently ‘orchid’ and ‘kitchen island’ – and I've never been good at remembering names.

“My mother had Alzheimer's and her sister had vascular dementia, so I know how worrisome it is to think you may have the same thing. I asked my doctor, and she said two things that stuck with me: 1) At some time, everybody forgets where they put their car keys. The time to worry is when you can't remember what they're for. And 2) If you can learn something new, you don't have dementia.”

FEEDBACK Regarding the hurting partner (April 13):

Reader – “Please consider that the form that was being filled out was of a legal nature where the correct answer might be that they are not family.”