I went on a date with a guy I met on a dating app. Once we accepted each other online, the messages started to flow. He was fun, funny and very easy going. When we finally agreed to meet, I was excited to see what kind of chemistry we would have in person.

As with every first date I’ve ever been on, there was a bit of initial awkwardness. We met at a bar, which I thought was a good idea, until we arrived and I saw how dingy it was. Not romantic, cool or sexy in any way. He ordered us each a drink and we started chatting. The conversation was flowing and he ordered himself a second drink. I refrained.

Our plan was to go dancing, so we left the bar and headed to the club. On the way, he pulled out a flask! I was so surprised! But we arrived at the club in minutes, so I just went with it. Immediately upon entering the club, he ordered us each two tequila shots. I had one, but that was enough for me. He had his, and mine.

We danced for a bit, but I just wanted the night to end. Should I have done anything differently?

Drunk Dancing

You kept your wits about you, which was your smartest move. A flask? This guy may have a drinking problem. I wouldn’t recommend starting a relationship with him at this point in his life.

It sounds as though you were hoping for the best and giving him the benefit of the doubt for as long as you possibly could. I don’t think you could have done anything differently other than to have skipped out after the flask made an appearance.

Three years into our relationship, I asked my partner if he thought I was beautiful. He replied that I was pretty but not beautiful. He said that I wouldn’t be on a magazine cover and I’m not beautiful according to the world standards. It’s two years later and I brought that up while we were having a bubble bath together; I then asked who he thought was beautiful. I expected him to list models or actresses but, instead, he named all his ex-girlfriends from college and his former wives. I had to stop him at that point.

Later in the conversation he commented that I have more stretch marks on my body than any other woman that he’s been with intimately.  I don’t believe that. I’ve had two kids; his first wife had three.

He is 14 years older than me. I think that was a crappy thing to say. He feels it was fine to make that comment and there’s no issue with it because he “wasn’t judging me.” Apparently, I’m too sensitive about it and other people wouldn’t be offended.

I think I’m attractive, but he makes me feel otherwise. Am I crazy to feel offended and hurt?

His Loss

You are absolutely NOT crazy for feeling offended and hurt. In fact, I think you hit the nail on the head with your sign-off. It IS his loss because I strongly suggest you rethink this relationship. You have built a life together over these past five years, but you don’t need to be treated so callously and with such disregard for your feelings.

The truth is irrelevant here. And beauty is in the eye of the beholder. So, if your partner doesn’t think you’re beautiful, I question why he’s with you, and, why he would share that with you. It’s so blatantly unkind. There isn’t a human being on this planet who enjoys hearing, “No, I don’t think you’re beautiful. But, wow, you should see my ex!”

If you see something worth salvaging, tell him how you feel and suggest marriage counselling. My personal opinon? Run, don’t walk, away from this guy.

FEEDBACK Regarding the poor sleeper (March 26):

Reader – “The poor sleeper might benefit from a sleep study. She may have undiagnosed sleep apnoea or another sleeping disorder. These issues can start in childhood, and she may have trained herself not to sleep as sleeping is uncomfortable for her.”

Reader #2 – “She should be open and honest with her new guy.  And try not to overthink. Could the new guy help with her sleep habits?  Could his devout sleeping be an incentive for her body?  That may be the solution to her lifelong issue. If not, separate beds may be the solution. I understand it’s not that uncommon with couples.

“I am a morning person. My ex-wife loved her morning sleep. We slept in separate beds so as not to bother each other’s sleep.

“If this relationship is meant to be, then this is only a little hiccup.  Many more serious issues will arise.”